Why We’re Not Always Our Best Selves
Oftentimes, not being our best selves is linked to some kind of insecurity.
Think about all the times you’ve reacted emotionally without any conscious thought, or thought something considered not nice (we all have those thoughts), or any time when, on reflection, you’ve realised, ‘Oh, I wasn’t my best self in that situation.’ Often, this is the same ego-driven reactivity that makes us snap.
Now, consider the underlying reasons why that might be the case.
My Own Example: Control, Choice and Freedom
For example, when I’m in situations where I feel I don’t have a choice (we always have a choice, by the way, I’ve recently learned this, but that’s a topic for another day) and maybe feel like I’m being pushed into a corner, I feel myself changing. I can either “sink”, meaning I give in, become a “yes” man, and neglect what I truly want in the situation, or I go the other way and react emotionally, depending on the environment I’m in.
But either way, I’m not being, or living, in accordance with my best and highest self.
I have insecurities around control, choice, and being able to make my own decisions. And, as I’ve realised, they’re linked to a core value of freedom, but not feeling free.
There are many other examples I could have given. The underlying message is this: when we’re not our best selves, it’s linked to some kind of insecurity, and the way to overcome our insecurities is to face them.
The First Step: Identify and Name Them
This can be daunting, so let’s start with the first step, which is to identify and name our insecurities…
By starting here, we bring consciousness to them, so we start to see how they show up in our lives. From here, we can make gradual changes and dive deeper into them over time. Learning to sit with the uncomfortable parts is really the practice of facing difficult things without getting stuck in them.
This is one of the purposes of all personal growth and spiritual practice…
To identify our insecurities and the dark places within ourselves, and to bring light to them. In Jungian psychology, this even has a name, shadow work: the practice of acknowledging and integrating the parts of ourselves we’ve rejected or denied, so our lives are shaped by choice rather than compulsion.
The Best Time to Start Is Today
This process takes time. But, as the saying goes… “When is the best time to plant a tree? Twenty years ago. The second-best time is today.”
Meaning, yeah, starting this self-discovery process 20, 10, 5, or even a year ago would have been ideal. But that time has gone. You can’t get it back. All you have is now and what you can do today. And that means starting today!
Key Takeaways on Overcoming Insecurities
- Identifying Ego Reactivity: Emotional reactions often stem from underlying insecurities rather than the immediate situation.
- Naming Your Insecurities: Spotting specific fears around control or choices brings conscious awareness to your everyday actions.
- Practising Shadow Work: Integrating parts of yourself that you previously denied allows your choices to guide you instead of automatic reactions.
- Starting Right Away: Taking action today builds self awareness over time without worrying about lost years.
FAQs for Not Your Best Self? It’s Usually an Insecurity
Why do you snap or react emotionally in tough situations?
You react emotionally when hidden insecurities feel triggered. When choices feel limited, your ego takes over to protect you, causing sudden frustration or passive compliance.
How can you identify your personal insecurities?
You can identify insecurities by noticing when your behaviour shifts away from your values. Pause after a strong emotional reaction and name the fear behind your stress.
What is shadow work and how does it help you?
Shadow work is the practice of acknowledging parts of yourself that you usually ignore or hide. By bringing these aspects into light, you act through conscious decision rather than reaction.
Why should you start your personal growth today?
You cannot change past moments, so waiting only delays your progress. Starting today allows you to cultivate self awareness immediately and reshape your future choices.
How do control issues affect your daily behaviour?
Control issues surface when you feel trapped. You might surrender your preference to avoid conflict or react with anger to regain a sense of personal freedom.
