Do you grip life so tightly, forcing yourself to show up no matter what, never taking a day off, always moving to the next thing as soon as a task is done or a goal is accomplished?
And if you dare enjoy any part of the process or life itself, you ridicule yourself for it because enjoyment isn’t for you, but for everyone else.
The Cost of Gripping Life So Tightly
You have tasks to do, goals to achieve, and a bigger purpose to fulfil…
Or that’s at least what you tell yourself…
Because here’s the truth, and a hard truth at that:
Life isn’t only purely what we make of it. That’s a common mantra that gets passed around.
It’s also a matter of how we choose to see it, the meaning we attach to our life, and everything that occurs.
In other words, it’s the meaning we attach and our perspective that are among the determining factors shaping the quality of our lives and how we show up.
If we are the type of person who grips life so tightly, never allowing ourselves to enjoy ourselves and have fun, then that will be our life.
This isn’t necessarily good or bad, right or wrong, positive or negative.
It just is. Life just is what it is.
With it comes a set of consequences, outcomes and costs.
The question is:
Are we willing to pay the costs for the life we want to live?
If we are the type of person who grips life so tightly, are we willing to pay the costs for this life, often more emotional and mental anguish than is needed, and the risk of missing our entire life?
Because when we hold on so tightly, often related to the insecure overachiever or A-type personality, grabbing a coffee with a loved one, taking a family walk, seeing our kids grow up, or any of the other countless things that give life a deep sense of meaning and enjoyment, often get put on the back burner.
The insecure overachiever finds it incredibly difficult to slow down, enjoy themselves and just let go a little bit. I resonate with this archetype and have realised that, at least for myself (and it might be true for you if you also resonate), that the fear of letting go, not gripping life so tightly, comes down to…
The Real Fear
Complacency.
It’s actually a fear that if I were to take my foot off the gas, I may become some kind of complacent sloth that lazes around all day, watches TV and eats junk food all day…
And in my parents’ basement!
You’re Not Wired for Complacency
Chris Williamson, the host of Modern Wisdom, says time and time again: if you’re the type of person who listens to podcasts like his, and potentially mine, subscribes to any kind of personal growth content, whether that be newsletters, books, videos, courses, programmes, etc., the chances of you becoming complacent and turning into some kind of sloth are very, very low, if not non-existent.
Because by design, the fact that you have an A-type personality means that you are interested in and attracted to personal growth, achievement, and wanting to do something meaningful with your life.
I think of it this way:
The content we naturally gravitate towards is a form of confirmation bias. By its very nature, we are attracted to it.
This was eye-opening because it made me realise, like, oh shit, I actually don’t need to grip life so tightly. The fear of complacency is an illusion, and I could do with a little bit more fun and enjoyment in life.
The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy of the Insecure Overachiever
This is the opposite of how it feels.
For us insecure overachievers (or maybe just more deeply insecure people), it feels like we have to hold on, be achieving, and be working on or towards something, whether that’s a work project, personal project or ourselves. We “can’t” take our foot off the gas.
The reality is that it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s our own perspective manifesting itself in the real world and the meaning we’re attaching coming to fruition.
At the end of the day, we could take our foot off the gas and have a bit more fun.
Like all truths, this realisation is uncomfortable to accept. However, it can also be a little reassuring knowing that nothing dramatic would happen if we decided to embrace a bit more enjoyment.
Whether I, or we, do or not is another question. But knowing this in itself helps to ease some of the feelings of being dragged or pulled through life, a common feeling many insecure overachievers face.
Well, that’s at least been my experience…
Finding the Middle Ground
All of this is to say that I do believe a middle ground can be found.
A middle ground between constantly striving and learning to enjoy life a little bit more.
The latter may, for A-type personalities, just require a bit more training, more effort, with fruitful rewards on the other side.
Less mental and emotional anguish, deeper connections with friends and loved ones, and a life with more ease and flow.
Don’t mistake ease for life being easy. Life is far from that. Remember this…
Reality doesn’t need us to operate it. Let go, or be dragged.
That’s what we insecure overachievers, A-type personalities, find hard to do. We find it hard to let go. And yes, while some of it is just how we’re wired, it’s our default setting; a great amount of it is a self-fulfilling prophecy caught up in fear and insecurity.
The TL;DR
If we grip life so tightly and resonate with being an insecure overachiever or having an A-type personality, the greatest lesson for us is to realise…
We don’t have to.
While it’s the way we’re wired by default, a great amount of it is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The antidote is to go beyond the neck and look at the fears and insecurities that are driving our behaviour.
My experience shows me it’s linked to complacency in some way. And not being good enough.
But get this:
By our very nature, if we did take our foot off the gas, we wouldn’t become complacent all of a sudden.
It’s not in our makeup.
There’s something within us that will keep us going, even if we decide to embrace a little bit more fun and enjoyment.
And don’t let life pass us by.
That’s the risk we’re playing with.
The question is…
Is it worth it?
Reminders
1. Reality doesn’t need us to operate it. Let go, or be dragged.
Control is often an illusion. Life unfolds whether we clench our fists or learn to let go. The latter will bring us more peace, ease, and flow.
2. Don’t fight reality.
Fighting reality is a game we cannot win. It only creates unnecessary suffering.
Acceptance, surrender, is living in harmony with life, not against it.
3. Life is lived now, not tomorrow.
We don’t have to complete the next task to deserve a moment of joy. Nor do we have to achieve more to justify rest.
Life isn’t something we unlock for tomorrow or sometime later. It’s lived now in the present moment.