YBL #50: What Is Emotional Intelligence? A Practical Guide to Awareness, Insight & Control

Have you ever wondered what emotional intelligence actually is, and why it matters? 🤔

And maybe, more today than ever before?

Well, let’s explore and break it down…

We start with emotional awareness, which is the ability to be aware of our emotions and how we feel. This, in itself, can be a challenge for most people because our emotions are often complex. Like, what’s the difference between anger and frustration, or happiness and joy?

These emotions or emotional states are often felt similarly in the body, making them difficult to distinguish, let alone articulate and communicate. And that’s without even considering our subjective experience of them.

We’ll explore tools to become more emotionally aware later because next up, we have emotional insight, which is the ability to gather understanding about our emotions—the why behind them—and what they’re telling us or signalling.

💡 Remember, all emotions have a purpose. They are our body’s way of communicating with us.

The challenge here is that we’re often so busy being busy that we fail to explore our emotions and what they’re trying to tell us—until it’s too late.

This is how burnout, mental health challenges, or panic attacks can set in. In many cases, these happen when we’ve failed to pay attention to and explore our emotions. Instead, we’ve suppressed or neglected them.

❗Not a good idea. This only works for so long before the body makes us stop, often through drastic measures like burnout.

I think it’s a better idea to become emotionally aware and insightful before this happens…

Finally, we have emotional control.

Emotional control is just what it sounds like: being able to manage and control our emotions. I like to refer to it as being able to consciously respond, not react, to a situation, no matter how we feel.

This doesn’t mean suppressing our emotions. It means being aware of how we feel and knowing that we have a choice in how we respond.

For example, if you feel angry about a situation, a response would be consciously recognising the feeling and communicating it—maybe saying something like:

“Hey, you weren’t honest with me about ABC. That made me feel really angry.”

Then, having a conversation.

Whereas a reaction might involve shouting or losing self-control.

I hope you get my point.

Of course, this is easier said than done, but it can be learned through conscious practice and repetition.

All three—emotional awareness, emotional insight, and emotional control—make up emotional intelligence.

💡 Remember, emotions happen. Feelings occur. It’s how we choose to respond, not react, that matters.

And, I think being aware of the components that make up emotional intelligence helps us identify, process, and navigate our emotions better, which is vital for our emotional wellbeing and for life as a whole.

At the end of the day, our emotions are our direct experience of the world. Everything we do, and everything that happens, has the potential to affect our emotional state, especially if we allow it to.

But through awareness, insight, and control, we can learn not to get caught up in emotional contagion and drama so easily, and process our emotions in healthier ways.

I don’t know about you, but when I’m able to do this, especially consistently, life becomes more enjoyable, peaceful, and calm. I feel more at ease and more connected with this amazing thing called life.

So, how can we make this practical?

1. Start writing down and tracking your emotional states.

Write down how you feel, what triggered it, and when it occurred. Keep a journal if you like, or just use your phone’s Notes app. If you have an iOS device like me, the State of Mind feature is a great tool.

2. Reflect on your triggers and trends.

Once you’re tracking your emotions, reflect on what’s behind them. This helps you gather insight and understand the why behind your emotional patterns. I find this part fascinating and powerful for self-understanding and personal growth.

3. Practice emotional control.

Once you’ve developed awareness and insight, emotional control is the next step. This is about being able to respond consciously, not react emotionally to life’s events. It’s not easy. It requires consciousness, time, energy, and practice.

One great way to practice emotional control is through the breath. Whenever you feel triggered, try this:

🚦 Stop. Pause. Breathe.

Take a few deep breaths. It helps you re-centre and come back into the present moment.

Once you’re centred, you can choose how you want to respond.

The breath is the most effective way I’ve found to help regain emotional control, especially in heated situations or when I feel triggered. And even then, I’m not perfect at it. I still need to remind myself to come back to it and live in the present moment.

So, there we have it—a breakdown of emotional intelligence and a few ways to practise it daily:

REMINDERS

1.

All emotions have a purpose.

Remember, all emotions have a purpose. They are our body’s way of communicatingwith us through its innate wisdom. Listen closely.

2.

​​Action is the antidote.

A true decision is measured by the fact that you’ve taken a new action in the direction you want to grow. Identify what that is for you, then go for it!

3.

Emotions happen. Feelings occur.

Emotions and feelings are what bring colour to our lives. Without them would be pretty dull.  It’s how we choose to respond, not react, that matters. This is the foundation of emotional intelligence and conscious living