When the end of the year approaches, this often sparks reflection and goal-setting for most of us.
Reflection comes naturally to me. I reflect regularly to identify insights, lessons, trends, and to recognise what has gone well.
Goal-setting, on the other hand, well, that’s a challenge…
The Hidden Problem with Goal-Setting
I’ve often found the concept of goal-setting challenging because I’m a systems person.
Meaning that I have often questioned the purpose of setting arbitrary goals that society encourages us to pursue, and if we don’t, we’re unambitious and some kind of failure, only to reach them and ask the question… now what?!
That’s the challenge with goal-setting. If our goals aren’t part of something bigger or more meaningful, once we reach them, we end up questioning them, our purpose, and whether they were really worth it.
Especially if, and when, we attach our identity to them.
This is a really dangerous game, because what happens if we don’t succeed?
Or what happens if, like in sports, you retire after being constantly wrapped up in pursuing the next goal, after the next goal, after the next goal?
It becomes all you ever know. And once you stop… then what?!
That’s why I think a lot of high-performance athletes have challenges post-retirement.
Their lives have been constantly about pursuing goal after goal after goal.
This doesn’t only relate to sports, but also to any high-performance area, such as business.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a high-performance expert. These are insights that I’ve gained mostly from being a fan and watching from afar.
Recently, it was interesting to listen to a top Premier League footballer speak on a podcast about how, for the upcoming season, he didn’t have a definitive goal for the number of goals he had set himself, and was more focused on doing the right things to perform at the highest level.
This is in contrast to everything we’re told about goal-setting.
We’re told that we must be specific in order to reach our goals.
Maybe this top athlete was stating something publicly but doing something different privately. Who knows?
But I see no reason why, in an honest, open, 45-minute-plus interview, this top Premier League athlete would have any reason to lie.
Anyway, the message I took away from that interview was that so many things can happen and sway our goals in one way or another that setting a goal and becoming so fixated on it can sometimes do more harm than good.
When Identity Becomes the Goal
For example, in this case, what happens if that Premier League striker gets injured and is out for the rest of the season? His goal, whether that was to score 20, 25, or 30 goals, has now been obliterated at no fault of his own.
And if he has wrapped his identity up in this goal, imagine how much mental anguish that would cause.
I think a lot, don’t you?
The majority of us aren’t athletes operating at the highest level. However, I observe that many of us face something similar when it comes to goal-setting.
We set arbitrary goals and attach our identity to them.
And when life happens, and our goals have to change, we experience so much mental anguish, misery, and suffering that I often wonder if it’s really worth it. And, there must be a healthier way.
Growth Requires Goals, But Not Obsession
That’s not to say we shouldn’t set goals, or that we should give up as soon as a roadblock occurs.
At the end of the day, we’re going to face challenges, ups, downs, and everything in between. And the path to reaching our goals isn’t going to be easy.
We’re designed to grow spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically, in all ways possible.
That’s one of the great things about being human.
And the pursuit of our goals will test us, our character, and require determination, resilience, perseverance, patience, you name it!
These are all vital character traits that don’t just help us in the pursuit of what we want to achieve in this life, but help us become the best versions of ourselves possible.
I think there needs to be more balance and a conversation around not becoming so fixated on our goals and wrapping our identity up in them, and instead, surrendering and accepting reality a little more, rather than fighting it.
That’s where self-awareness and intelligence come in.
To know when to surrender and let go.
And to know when to push forward towards achieving something great.
That’s goals and goal-setting.
Why Systems Create Sustainable Change
Whereas systems are based on processes, frameworks, habits, and ways of living.
These can be identity-based, and it’s a good idea to do so.
Systems help keep us on the right side of where we want to go and what we want our life to look and feel like.
Health is a great example of this.
Let’s say we want to “become healthier.” While broad, this could manifest in several different goals.
Whereas with systems, we take on the identity of someone who is “healthy” and design life in this way.
We would:
- Exercise and move our bodies every day, no matter what
- Prioritise sleep, going to bed at the same time every night
- Only buy whole foods from our local grocery store or farmer’s market
The list is endless, you get the point!
So, How Do Systems Differ From Goals?
A goal looks like losing X amount of pounds. It has a singular endpoint and outcome.
Whereas a system helps us stay consistent, maintain standards, and create a lifestyle. It becomes how we live.
This is where I focus the majority of my time.
And that’s not to say it doesn’t come with its own set of challenges.
Sometimes systems can become stale. You can get stuck in habits, routines, and patterns that once worked for you, but over time, they need upgrading as you grow. This requires a level of consciousness and self-awareness that isn’t always obvious.
I’ve learned the hard way that systems don’t always signal growth either. As stated, they help maintain standards.
This is where I’ve realised that goals are helpful and come in.
Let me put it another way:
Goals are for growth and direction.
Systems are for consistency, maintaining standards, and creating a lifestyle.
Goals and Systems Work Best Together
Understanding the role that both play can help us design and live the best lives possible.
It’s not a matter of either/or.
It’s a conversation of both.
We can create systems while also setting meaningful goals that help us grow and give us a sense of direction.
This is an approach we can use at any time, not only at the end of the year when most of us look to set new goals.
That said, if that works for you, go for it!
I believe this is a solid framework that can help us grow, make progress, remain consistent, and create a healthier life with less suffering, no matter when we decide to take a look at our lives.
The TL;DR:
Set goals → create systems → take action → refine as required.
Reminders
1. Reality doesn’t need you to operate it. Let go, or be dragged.
When we attach our identity to rigid goals, and life inevitably changes, we can find it hard to let go. Learning when to surrender isn’t weakness; it’s a sign of intelligence, strength and requires self-awareness.
2. Use goals for direction, not identity.
Goals help us grow and set a direction for our lives. But when they define who we are, they create unnecessary suffering when life inevitably changes.
3. Build systems that reflect who you want to be.
Systems turn our values into daily actions and habits. They create consistency, maintain standards, and shape a lifestyle, not just an outcome.