Every year has its ups, downs, tests and tribulations.
Every year has its insights and lessons.
Here are the top 25 lessons I’ve learned in 2025:
1. We suffer more in our minds than we do in reality.
We draw up all sorts of fantasies and situations in our minds, most of which will never manifest. This is the mind doing what it does best, catastrophising because it’s designed to keep us safe. We all fall into these thought patterns from time to time. Knowing when they’re on the horizon and having tools to navigate them and gain perspective will help us suffer less and enjoy the moment more.
2. How do we get through tough moments or situations? One step at a time.
Challenges often seem overwhelming, and maybe this is by-design. They’re called challenges, or tough moments, for a reason. Because they test our abilities and character. What I’ve learned is that we don’t overcome challenges in one fair swoop, but by breaking them down and taking one step at a time. Remember this the next time you’re faced with a challenge.
3. It’s the anticipation of events that drives anxiety more than the events themselves.
I’m an easily anxious person. This has been confirmed in 2025. What I’ve realised is that it’s the anticipation, the waiting, for the event, whatever the event is, that oftentimes drives anxiety more than the event itself. When an event is on the horizon, let’s say like going to Europe for the first time, which I did back in July, as the weeks and days counted down, the anxiety increased, and increased, and increased. Once there, and I had a full night’s worth of sleep, the anxiety started to subside. Maybe you can relate?! I’ve found that while preparation can help, “just” being aware of it and our tendencies is helpful in itself. Self-awareness is a powerful tool, and not to be underestimated.
4. The fear of fear is worse than fear itself.
I’ve faced a fair few of my deepest fears in 2025 and realised, much like anxiety, it’s the anticipation of whether the thing we fear is going to happen or not, and the fear of the fear happening, that is worse than the fear itself. I’ve learned that there are one of two antidotes:
- If there is nothing we can do, to surrender. This avoids unnecessary suffering.
- If there is something we can do, act. Action is the antidote.
Either way, always focus on what we are in control of and direct our attention and energy there.
5. Have intentions without needing to control the outcome.
This is a tough one for many of us, because we’re more control freaks than we would like to think, let alone admit. We want control because it feels safer. However, I’ve come to realise that we have less control than we think we do; control is an illusion. This doesn’t mean to give up our sense of agency and to not have intentions. The best approach I’ve found is to have and set intentions and act on them, always focusing on what we can do, without needing to control every step of the process and the outcome. It requires faith, and for us to surrender to life.
6. Don’t make decisions when emotionally triggered, heightened, or when feeling tired.
Think of a decision you made that you later regretted. The likelihood is that in this situation, you were emotionally triggered, heightened, or feeling tired. You weren’t at your best game, and maybe you knew it. But the decision was made anyway. Mostly due to pressure, either internal or external. And, understandably so, because most of us look to appease others, and have a hard time saying, “I can’t make the best decision right now, can I get back to you?” However, developing the courage to essentially say “no” or not right now is a vital skill that many of us, myself included, need to work on to improve our life outcomes and make better decisions, especially when we’re not functioning at our best.
7. You can’t fix the mind with the mind. You fix the mind with the body.
The more I explore the work of Dr Gabor Maté, Dr Bessel van der Kolk, and other leading psychiatrists, the more I realise that it’s a holistic, somatic approach that is needed to truly heal. We have all faced traumas in different varieties and disguises, which have impacted us in ways beyond what we can consciously recognise. Healing is not a linear approach, nor is it easy. It requires a mind-body approach.
8. What we put off and don’t face only grows stronger.
We all procrastinate from time to time. When we do, isn’t it interesting that the thing we’re procrastinating only becomes more and more challenging to do? This is true for the easy but boring stuff, like work admin, or the big, hard stuff, like heartfelt conversations with loved ones. Either way, procrastinating less and just doing the thing is the only way to get the thing done, so we might as well crack on with it, and avoid unnecessary suffering in the meantime (goes back to the first lesson).
9. Anything we get defensive about is true about us.
The human psyche is fascinating. We all see and experience the world differently, and what one person may get defensive about wouldn’t even faze another. Here’s the truth: what we get defensive about often reveals our insecurities, whether hidden and suppressed or not. The good news is that we all have them. They seem to be an innate part of what it means to be human. The best approach I’ve found is to use them as a self-awareness tool, to learn and grow from and propel my personal growth rather than castigating myself or judging others.
10. Always tell the truth and do not lie.
Lying undermines relationships, causes unnecessary suffering, and affects our character and self-image. Yet, we’ve all lied, and continue to. And, for what?! To avoid feeling a bit uncomfortable in the short term. Here’s the thing: while telling the truth can be hard and uncomfortable, it’s always worth it, and if you haven’t realised yet, it always reveals itself in the end. No matter the size of the lie, we can train ourselves not to do it and develop the courage to always tell the truth, with the belief that no matter what happens, we will be okay in the end.
11. Anxiety (and similar emotions) aren’t reasons to not do something, but more of a reason to. They signal growth most of the time.
We often avoid situations and events that could bring up uncomfortable emotions, like anxiety, because we don’t want to feel uncomfortable. And, understandably so. They don’t feel good. However, it’s worth remembering that all emotions have a purpose, and the uncomfortable ones exist as survival signals, telling us something needs attention, or as pointers to where we can grow. I find the latter to be especially true in the modern world, where we don’t have threats such as sabre-tooth tigers around every corner. The next time you experience an uncomfortable emotion, like anxiety, maybe before a big event, instead of running away from it, look to see what it can teach you about yourself and how you can grow from it.
12. It’s easier to know what we don’t want than it is to know what we do.
Most of us know what we don’t want: pain, suffering, to have no loved ones, no money, no home, to be in ill health, etc., you get the point, but then when asked, what do we want, we hit a brick wall. It’s a little bit more difficult to wheel them off the tongue, for fear of being ostracised, made fun of, laughed at, or put down. Or, because we believe we can never have those things. It’s an interesting area of human psychology, one that, once we’re aware of, we can reverse-engineer in our favour. For example, don’t want to be isolated? The reverse of this is love and connection. Now, once aware, we can start to create a life around these values. Play with this idea and see if it helps you to become clearer on what you do want.
13. To be in our body means to be in the present moment.
There is a symbiotic relationship between being in our body and the present moment. We cannot separate the two. They are the same thing, and the fastest way I’ve learned to return to the present moment is through the breath, our breath. By slowing our breathing down, we naturally return to the body, therefore, return to the present moment. This is a valuable tool we can use when feeling stressed, overwhelmed, worried, or heightened, and want or need to return to the here and now.
14. Life is always trying to tell us something. And eventually it will, whether we decide to initially listen or not.
Life has a mysterious way of telling us things that we need to know. The challenge is being aware of the signs. This is where practices such as meditation, breath work, journaling, and many others can be helpful. And, they all have one thing in common: they slow us down! It’s by slowing down that we begin to notice the signs that life is giving us and what it’s trying to tell us. Whether we decide to listen or not is up to us; either way, it’ll always find a way to do so. The more we leave it, the more drastic it will become. Think: burnout!
15. There is always a reason for our actions and why we do what we do.
The reasons for our actions aren’t always obvious. But that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. There is a whole cascade of reasons and drivers behind why we do what we do, that at least in the moment, we aren’t aware of or cannot control. One thing is true, though: they’re all fundamentally based on core human needs from love and connection to significance and purpose. Understanding this can help cultivate more empathy and compassion for oneself and others.
16. True happiness is peace and contentment, the state where nothing is missing.
Happiness isn’t about elevation or being on top of the world. It’s about being in a place, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, where nothing is missing. In other ways, we’re at total peace and contentment.
17. Less is (often) more.
At least somepoint during our lives, most of us fall into the trap of believing the narrative that we must accumulate more to be fulfilled and truly happy. Whether it’s more money, more material possessions, or the act of simply doing more and being more productive. However, in my experience, more just leads to more problems, more stress, more overwhelm. And, less is where happiness is found because it’s where most of us find peace and contentment. Sure, there’s a tipping point, a balance to be found between accumulating and acquiring more, and being at peace with your lot. However, the conversation is still driven towards more, which causes a lot of people more suffering, mental anguish, and to question their purpose.
18. Those who thrive are those who are most adaptable to change. Adaptability matters.
The inability to be adaptable causes more harm than good, even if we just consider it from the perspective that when we are unwilling to change, it often hinders our growth more than anything else. The truth is, life and everything around us are always changing. Change is an enviable part of life and the human experience. That’s not to say to be a pushover, cancel your plans, or that your intentions don’t matter to fit in with others. It is to say, though, that life happens, and things change. Win-win situations are more possible than we believe, and being adaptable to it all will lead to better life outcomes.
19. Watch what people do, not what they say they will do.
Think of it this way: talk is cheap. We can all say we will do a thing, whatever the thing is, but whether we will or not is completely another matter. Actions speak louder than words. And, oh, by the way, this goes for ourselves, too. We, ourselves, can talk a good game, but will we back it up?
20. Everything has a cost. What are the costs you are willing to pay for the life you want?
We fail to recognise that everything has costs. For example, prioritising our health often means consistent bed and wake times, eating a nutritious whole food diet, prioritising exercise, etc, which comes at the cost of late-night work parties, going to our favourite fast food chain with old school friends and not skipping the gym on days when we don’t feel like it. It’s a matter of priorities and embodying the values for the life we want to live. It’s a question of what we are willing to give up to live it. Can there be some crossovers? Sure! We can still go out to eat with our bros, but at a restaurant where we can check beforehand what ingredients they’re using to ensure that we stay on the right side of health. Even in this example, there are things we have to do, or “costs”, whether it’s time, effort, or energy, that most are willing to pay. This question, and considering what we’re willing to let go of and be okay with, are important life considerations that help us gain clarity on who we are (or want to be) and what we stand for.
21. Be lenient with others and strict with oneself.
You might think that this one flies in the face of lesson 19, but I think they go hand in hand. You see, it works by watching what people do, not what they say they will do, while being lenient with them and having compassion and empathy. Why? Because life happens, and we don’t truly know what someone is going through. Direct all energy to being strict with oneself, ensuring that you do what you say you will do, or don’t say at all. This requires a high level of integrity, but it’s not impossible to cultivate. It takes time, effort, and overall keeping promises to oneself and others.
22. Helping others is derived on their terms, not ours.
The mistake we make when helping others is that they must agree to our own terms. “Yes, I’ll help you with the shopping, but only at this time, on this day.” However, this is us making the situation about us, when surely helping is about giving, and therefore, about the other person or people. Again, this isn’t to say to always change our plans; it is to point out that helping others isn’t about us, it’s about them and is based on their terms. As stated, win-win situations are often more possible than we believe, if we’re just a bit more open and adaptable.
23. It’s better to be fully prepared than not.
There have been many cases over the last 12-months where just a little bit more preparation would have made life just that little bit better, simpler, and more enjoyable. A little bit of thoughtfulness and preparation can often go a long way. The challenge is that we’re so busy being busy that preparation goes out of the window, when in many cases, all it would have taken is five minutes. Okay, sure, what if we prepare for something that doesn’t manifest? Well, I’ve learned the hard way that it’s better to be prepared than not, for the upsides that being prepared could lead to, rather than any downsides that it possesses, which are many, to be honest. Overall, be as prepared as possible. It’s just better.
24. Our lives don’t need to be easier. They need to be simpler.
In the modern world, for the vast majority of us, our lives are really comfortable and fairly easy. We make it more difficult for ourselves and the people around us by adding so much confusion and complexity, all of which I believe is, in most cases, unnecessary. Confusion and complexity are the enemies of clarity. Clarity is what we want, and the way to get it is by making life simpler, not easier.
25. How we choose to respond, not react, is what matters.
Everything that happens and we come in contact with produces an emotion and feeling. Our emotions and feelings are our touch point with the world around us. Therefore, it’s how we choose to respond to them, not react, that matters. For example, if an anxiety-producing event happens, will we respond by asking what does this teach me about myself and deal with the situation calmly, or go into an anxiety meltdown and run away from the scene? The former requires us to have the tools and develop the skills to respond in this way. The good news is that they’re available to all of us.
This list could have gone on. Because life is always teaching us something. There is always something to learn.
These are the top lessons I’ve learned, and I hope to have given you at least some food for thought going into the next chapter of your life.
Thank you for being here and reading this!