Happiness…
What is it? And what does it truly mean to be happy?
The Pursuit of Happiness: A Default Setting?
Have you ever wondered why, almost by default, we fall into the assumption that happiness is the ultimate goal, without ever questioning it?
It’s a societal norm that most of us have been conditioned to pursue, and we walk around on this planet in pursuit of this illustrious goal without really understanding it.
We all undergo this monumental task in different ways, from financial and career success to success in our personal lives, relationships, health, and every other facet of what it means to be human, in the hope of one day arriving at this so-called magical place of finally “being happy,” without ever really defining it for ourselves.
The more I learn about happiness, the more I realise that it’s not an elusive place or destination…
It’s a state that comes and goes. It fluctuates.
For example, I’m sure we can all remember a time when we felt ecstatic and full of happiness, and other times when we felt the opposite.
This range of feelings and emotions is what it means to be human.
Being happy all the time probably isn’t that healthy, and to be sad, or in states of depression, also goes without saying, isn’t healthy either.
Just imagine if you were happy when a loved one passed. That would be kind of strange.
Even if you’re an optimist and spin it as you’re “happy” that your loved one lived a long, prosperous life, you would probably still experience some mourning and sadness that they are now gone.
My point is that allowing ourselves to experience and feel the full range of emotions and feelings is actually what it means to be human.
I, like most of us, am a work in progress when it comes to this and think that it’s a never-ending journey, part of our personal growth, unfolding, and the human experience.
Back to happiness…
Is Happiness Really the Goal?
And if happiness isn’t the ultimate goal, as we’ve been led to believe, what is the goal?
After reflecting on this for quite some time, I’ve come to the realisation that, at least for me (maybe it’s the same for you too), the goal isn’t happiness, but rather peace, contentment, and fulfilment.
To be at total peace, content, and in harmony with all that is…
To not ruminate about the past, or think, worry, and stress too much about the future…
To be fully present in the here and now, in each passing moment…
I get that this is a monstrous task, especially in the modern world, but just like any worthwhile goal, there are challenges along the way.
It’s not impossible, though.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve had many moments where I’ve at least felt and been in this place and similar states.
Coming Home to the Present Moment
I’ve had times where I’ve felt fully connected and in the moment. I describe this feeling as similar to returning Home. And my God, it feels liberating.
My hypothesis on this is that it’s because we’re right in the here and now, where life is truly lived.
Life isn’t lived in the past, and it isn’t lived in the future either.
It’s lived in the here and now, right in this moment.
That’s not to say not to reflect or not to plan for the future.
I do both of these regularly.
It is to say that I think all of us, to some degree, can learn to live that little bit more in the present moment, in the here and now, and when truly cultivated, I think we experience what many of us seek by pursuing the illustrious goal of happiness without needing to achieve anything, go anywhere, take any specific action, or meet a specific goal.
Therefore, in my mind, what we’re actually seeking, what we’re actually looking for, is often found right where we are: in the here and now, in the present moment.
What Are We Truly Searching For?
Unfortunately, many of us forget this, as we are on the seemingly never-ending, perpetual cycle of achievement and success in pursuit of happiness, without ever questioning what it truly means to be happy.
No wonder we find ourselves in states of low mood or even depression…
I find it amusing how our physiology works and how, as humans, we like to make life more difficult than it actually needs to be.
I mean, life doesn’t need a helping hand in this regard; it can be challenging enough.
I guess it’s all part of what it means to be human, and is a feature, not a bug, of our makeup.
It’s a bit of an annoying feature. But like all features, whether we like them or not, if we can’t change them, it’s about working with them to the best of our ability.
Final Thought: Define Happiness for Yourself
Remember:
Happiness is an emotion. It’s fleeting. It comes and goes. It’s not the ultimate goal.
Peace, contentment, and feeling fulfilled in harmony with all that is, is what I think we’re all striving for on some level.
Maybe I’m just talking for myself…
The question to ask yourself is:
What does it truly mean to be happy?
What does happiness mean to you?
Reminders
1. Seek Peace, Not Happiness.
Chasing happiness seems to happen almost by default. And, most notably, through achievements and keeping up with the Joneses, as they say. This approach often leads to burnout because it’s exhausting. Instead, a better approach is to optimise for inner peace and harmony with all that is.
2. Life is Lived in the Present.
Talking about peace, we don’t find peace by ruminating about the past or planning too far ahead into the future. We find peace in the right here, right now. Where life is lived. Be fully in it.
3. Happiness is a Feeling, Not a Destination.
The amusing thing about happiness is that we mistake it for a destination when it’s a feeling and, like all feelings and emotions, they ebb and flow. And that’s okay. It’s part of being human.