In the last edition, I mentioned how I don’t understand why society puts so much emphasis on certain age milestones, such as the “big 3–0,” which I turned 10 days ago at the time of writing.
The Pressure of Turning 30 and the Brules Behind It
I’m very much in the camp that age is just a number, a reflection of how long we’ve been here on planet Earth. For this to equate to having to hit or achieve certain milestones to be deemed a “success” is rather perplexing.
Securing a “good, well-paying” job, getting a house, and having at least one child (probably two) all by the time you turn 30 still seems to be the narrative we’re told and encouraged to follow. And this doesn’t even include marriage.
The notion that by the time we’re 30, we should have our lives figured out is flawed and puts an enormous amount of stress and pressure on the vast majority of people. I’ve come to realise that this is what often causes distress, not the number itself.
It’s rather amusing at the same time because, let’s be honest…
None of us, even the best of us, has it “figured out.”
Whatever that actually means 🤔
We’re all doing the best we can, operating from our highest level of consciousness in each moment and navigating this often-crazy thing called life.
Where Brules Come From and Why We Still Follow Them
The societal rules, which a mentor of mine, Vishen Lakhiani, refers to as Brules (Bullshit Rules), often keep us stuck in a box and limit our personal growth, especially in the modern world.
Most of these rules have been passed down from generation to generation. While they may have served a purpose in the past, many of them are obsolete today.
Sure, 100 years ago, having a family by your mid-twenties was a good idea because global life expectancy was only around the early thirties, according to Our World in Data. We didn’t have much time to hang around.
That’s not me saying we should rest on our laurels and think we have all the time in the world, because I don’t believe that either. Life happens in mysterious ways and can change in an instant. I’m sure we’ve all experienced this to varying degrees.
On the flip side, thanks to modern advancements, we live longer, and life expectancy is far greater than it was for our ancestors. One of the challenges, though, is that we’re still operating from old belief systems, narratives, and rules, and we don’t question them.
How Unquestioned Beliefs Shape Our Lives
We don’t stop and ask: Does this belief serve me? Does this belief still serve us as a society today?
Instead, we blindly accept many belief systems and rules. If we don’t follow them, we risk being ostracised and frowned upon by family, friends, and society at large.
We fail to recognise that while being human is what connects us, we’re all different at the same time, on our own unique paths. One path isn’t better than another; they’re just different.
I think this is what “upsets the apple cart,” so to speak. We have a hard time accepting when someone does something different, maybe because it hits a nerve, and we realise we haven’t had the courage to follow our own true path.
Why It’s Never Too Late to Rewrite Your Story
But it’s never too late.
Even if we’re far down a certain path, maybe the wrong path, there is always something we can do to change our trajectory and start following our own. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
Because what’s the alternative?
To live a life wondering, questioning yourself, and in regret?
That doesn’t sound like the life many of us want to create. Yet, for many, it’s their current reality.
I reiterate: just because it’s your current reality doesn’t mean you don’t have the power to change it.
Sure, it won’t happen overnight. But one small action today can start to make a difference. Often, starting is the biggest challenge.
Comfort vs. Change: The Brule That Keeps You Stuck
Why?
Because change is hard. It’s easier to stay the same than to change.
It’s easier to stick with what you know, even if it means discomfort, unhappiness, and pain, rather than change and embrace the unknown.
What we don’t always recognise is that both are choices. Each has a series of outcomes that ultimately become our reality.
Discovering Your Core Values as an Antidote to Brules
The best way I’ve found to navigate this is to know our values. Not society’s values. Not our best friend’s values. Not our mother’s values. Our values.
Our values are our internal compass for navigating the world. They help us make choices and decisions.
Unfortunately, many people don’t consciously know their values because they’ve never been asked or have never thought about it. As I mentioned earlier, most of the time, we blindly navigate the world, accepting other people’s values, belief systems, narratives, and ideologies without ever questioning them, and without doing the inner work to discover our own.
So no wonder we get to 30, 40, 45, or older and start questioning: What the fck have I been doing?!*
No wonder the quarter-life crisis has become the new mid-life crisis, because many of us aren’t living our true paths, instead merely accepting society’s Brules and false narratives, which leave us feeling empty, lost, depressed, and confused.
Designing a Life That’s True to You
The antidote?
Realise that there is no universal law stating that any of us has to do or achieve anything by a certain age. Instead, our lives are our lives, our playground. We have the choice to create our lives by design.
Yes, we all come from different backgrounds and cultures, which play a role in our trajectory, but they aren’t the whole truth, and they don’t define us.
Who we choose to be, how we choose to live, and whether we follow our true path is what ends up defining us, not whether we follow a Brule that’s no longer relevant today.
So, what does all of this mean?
In simple terms:
Become clear on your core values and live as authentically and as true to yourself as possible, despite all the noise and distractions of the modern world.
I know this is easier said than done, which is why I’m a huge advocate of personal growth and spiritual practice. In my experience, they are the gateway to blocking out the noise and doing the inner work required to live true to ourselves and follow our own path.
Age Is Just a Number, Living Beyond Society’s Timelines
Turning the big 3-0 has made me realise and internalise this even more. When I block out the external noise, it doesn’t bother me. When I let society’s outdated narratives in, it does.
So I block them out as best I can and remember that age is just a number. I feel the same at 30 as I did at 20, 21, and 22, you get the point.
And surely, that’s what matters: how we feel, our experience of life itself, and whether we are growing on our own true path.
Remember: Your life is your life. Follow your own true path, not anyone else’s.
Reminders
1. Live by your own values, not borrowed beliefs
When we make decisions with our core values in mind, not society’s, we create a more meaningful life that feels more authentic and fulfilling.
2. Change is hard, but regret is harder
I get it, staying the same feels safe, but that doesn’t mean it’s cost-free. Everything has a cost, and staying in our comfort zones often costs us the life we actually want. One small change today can shift our entire future.
3. Your timeline is your own
There’s no universal deadline for success, love, or achievement. Our paths unfold at different rates because we’re all different, and that’s exactly how nature intended it to be.