Reflecting on Life at 30
Over the last 6 months, maybe 12, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it truly means to be happy, what enjoyment means, and how to enjoy oneself.
These reflections have happened as I approached my 30th birthday, which society seems to put a lot of emphasis on as some big life milestone and event. Like many things in the modern world, I just don’t understand it.
I feel the same at 30 as I did at 20, 21, 22, you get the point. I’m really in the camp of “age is just a number.”
Approaching the big 3–0, as they call it, I’ve realised it’s the emphasis and pressure that society puts on reaching this number that causes a lot of people distress, not the number itself.
However, I digress. Maybe more on that another day…
Back to today: happiness and enjoyment.
The Anxiety Behind Enjoyment
At the time of writing, I have a handful of new experiences to show for this summer, which have made me question:
Where do I actually get enjoyment from?
And even more importantly:
Is enjoyment something to be optimised for?
Or
What are we, what are you, optimising for?
Let me explain…
I’m an easily anxious person. I’ve realised this about myself.
The events and trips I’ve planned this summer? The anxiety kicks in weeks before.
I don’t think this is your usual nervous energy before doing something new, that’s usually driven by excitement.
Which is where I’ve developed the concept of:
- Nervousness from excitement, and
- Nervousness from anxiety.
I’m very much in the latter camp.
I’m working on it… 😬
My point is:
With this summer’s events and trips, I’ve been in heightened states of anxiety and angst, which have really taken away from my ability to not just live in the moment, but to enjoy those moments fully. To experience enjoyment.
This has been reiterated by being constantly asked:
- “Are you looking forward to {enter event}?”
- “Did you enjoy {enter event}?”
I don’t want to lie.
I don’t want to turn around and say “yes” when in reality, I haven’t looked forward to events, and now that I’m on the other side of them, I wouldn’t say I enjoyed them either.
But…
I am glad, pleased, and happy that I did them.
For the experiences themselves. And for not letting the anxiety, angst, dread, and worry get the better of me because they don’t work anyway.
Instead, I’m using them as feedback tools to learn and grow from.
Does Growth Matter More Than Enjoyment
And this is where I realised:
Maybe if we want to live life to the fullest, enjoyment isn’t something to be optimised for…
But growth is.
To do the things that propel our personal growth, even in the presence of uncomfortable feelings and emotions.
That’s when it hit me:
If we optimise for pure enjoyment (and I’m going to throw happiness in here too), in the moment, then would we really do the things that help us grow?
Or just stay in our all-too-familiar comfort zones?
Isn’t one of the purposes of life to grow?
Everything grows. And the amazing thing about being human is that we can grow in multiple ways: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, you name it.
So wouldn’t it be wise to optimise more for that, even when uncomfortable, instead of short-term enjoyment or fleeting happiness?
Research in positive psychology backs this up, with what psychologists call eudaimonic wellbeing producing deeper, more lasting satisfaction than pleasure-seeking (hedonic wellbeing) alone.
Look, I don’t actually have the answer…
Do any of us?
I’m navigating this thing called life, just like the best of us, figuring out what it means to live fully and make the most of this amazing gift we’ve been given.
These recent insights have shown me that if I optimise for happiness and enjoyment, that might come at the cost of growth. And, doing uncomfortable things that actually help me to evolve, especially new experiences, like travel, and trying new things.
That’s not to say enjoyment isn’t valid…
Imagine living a life where you never enjoyed yourself.
Bleak.
I’m kinda scared of that, and the potential regrets I could have, as I try to figure out what it is I actually enjoy.
A New Equation: Enjoyment as a Byproduct
But then I wonder:
What if enjoyment is a byproduct of everything else you’re optimising for, coming together in the present moment?
I’ll use myself as an example:
Growth + Peace + Health + Freedom = Enjoyment
Those are four of my core values.
So when there’s a situation where I can grow, feel at peace (and calm), is health-affirming, and have a degree of freedom, enjoyment naturally follows.
It’s a theory I’m still testing. Again, life is a feedback loop; we can learn and grow from everything.
Maybe you could test it too, and see if it works for you.
Either way, all of this is my attempt to navigate life the best I can and make sense of the last 6 months, maybe more.
Ask Yourself: What Are You Optimising For?
And I think it boils down to a simple question:
What am I optimising for? And why?
Once we become aware of what we’re optimising for, or want to optimise for, and make small changes to move in that direction, the more true to ourselves we’ll live.
And hopefully, more fully.
Making the most of this gift we’ve been given.
Because, as you know, but like most of us, we need reminding sometimes:
We’re only here once. Life is now. We’re not getting out of here alive.
So we might as well make the most of it.
And for me, that means optimising for growth, despite the anxiety, worry, angst, and discomfort it often brings.
What is this for you? What are you optimising for, and why?
Key Takeaways on Growth vs. Enjoyment
- Anxiety Can Hinder Enjoyment: Recognise that feelings of anxiety before new experiences can detract from your ability to enjoy the moment, and it’s different from the nervous energy that comes with excitement.
- Prioritise Growth Over Fleeting Pleasure: Consider that optimising your life for personal growth, even if it involves discomfort, can lead to deeper, more lasting satisfaction (eudaimonic wellbeing) than constantly seeking short-term enjoyment (hedonic wellbeing).
- View Enjoyment as a Byproduct: Instead of chasing enjoyment directly, think of it as a natural result that occurs when your actions align with your core values, such as growth, peace, and health.
- Identify What You’re Optimising For: Take time to ask yourself what you are truly optimising for in life. This self-awareness is the first step toward living more authentically and making the most of your time.
FAQs for Why Growth (Not Enjoyment) Might Be the Key to a Fulfilled Life
Why is focusing on growth better than chasing enjoyment?
Focusing on growth encourages you to step outside your comfort zone and engage in experiences that foster development, even if they feel uncomfortable. This can lead to a deeper, more lasting sense of fulfilment, whereas constantly chasing enjoyment might keep you from evolving as a person.
What does it mean for enjoyment to be a ‘byproduct’?
This idea suggests that true enjoyment isn’t something you pursue directly. Instead, it arises naturally when you live in alignment with your core values. For example, if you value growth and health, you will find enjoyment in activities that support those values.
How can I tell if my nervousness is from anxiety or excitement?
Nervousness from excitement is often a positive, energising feeling tied to anticipation for something new. Nervousness from anxiety, however, tends to be rooted in worry or dread and can detract from your ability to be present and appreciate the experience.
What does it mean to ‘optimise’ for something in life?
To ‘optimise’ for something means to consciously direct your choices and actions toward a specific goal or value. The article encourages you to reflect on what you are currently optimising for, whether it’s comfort, enjoyment, or personal growth, and decide if that aligns with the life you want to live.
