We worry, stress, and fret, forgetting that it rarely does anything to actually solve the challenge, issue, or situation at hand.
This is coming from someone who sits on the higher end of the worry spectrum.
Look, I get it, we all worry to varying degrees. They seem to be an innate part of the human experience. And some of us, like myself, at least in the past, sit towards the higher threshold: worrying, fretting, and overthinking the smallest thing.
It’s a protection mechanism developed almost by default; we don’t consciously choose it, but develop it as we grow and navigate through life.
Why Worrying Feels Like Preparation
However, it’s like a mirage, because all the worrying in the world doesn’t solve the actual issue, if there is even one. Instead, it tricks us into thinking, believing even, that we are prepared for the worst-case scenario, for the pure fact alone that we are thinking about it, that it is on our mind, whatever that might be.
Yet, despite all of this, if we just stopped for a moment and thought back to all our previous worries, we would begin to see how, over time, they slowly, gradually, and then all of a sudden dissipated, and we got on with our lives…
Which points to:
Life has a funny way of figuring itself out.
This can be harder to believe when in the midst of a worry, let alone navigating day-to-day life.
Let me put it this way…
Worries Are Passing Clouds of the Mind
The worries we have today aren’t, in most cases, the same worries we had five years ago, three years ago, one year ago, or even one month ago.
Because at the end of the day, worries are types of thought, and thoughts are passing clouds of the mind. They come and go.
Sure, some worries might be similar, linked to deeper limiting beliefs that repeat in patterns, and chronic if we don’t actually deal with them or work on ourselves to let them go. For the most part, much like thoughts, fleeting in their nature, the natural process and unfolding of life mean they dissipate, and in just a few weeks or months, we wonder…
What was I worrying about? Sounds familiar?
This is the natural rhythm of life. Life unfolds with each passing moment, despite our worries and circumstances.
We Don’t Control Life, Only Our Response
That’s not to say we can instantly just stop worrying. I find that rhetoric very unhelpful and deeply annoying. As stated, worrying seems to be an innate part of the human experience, and in low degrees, could be insightful, because we tend to only worry about the things we care about.
It’s when worrying (and all forms of overthinking) as a way to try to control life disrupts our peace of mind that it becomes detrimental to our health, well-being, and overall quality of life.
Because that’s a losing game. We don’t control life.
Remember: We don’t control what happens, only our response.
Develop a Bias Towards Action
Instead, a better approach is to develop a bias towards action, which I believe aligns with life’s natural unfolding process.
An action doesn’t always need to be a big, bold step.
It could be as simple as noticing a worry for what it is: this is something I’m worried about, and getting curious about it. Asking why I’m worrying about ABC, exploring it, before shifting focus to solutions, if there’s something practical we can actually do to relieve the worry.
This can be helpful because, as Chris Williamson says:
Action is the antidote to anxiety.
Meaning that if we lie in bed all day ruminating about our worries, even worrying about our worrying, it just creates a silo of mental chatter and overwhelm, which will lead the best of us to just go insane!
Instead, by noticing the worry and identifying if there is something practical we can do about it, we develop a bias towards action and solutions, let alone harnessing our sense of agency.
If not, if there isn’t something practical we can do, which is sometimes, maybe even often, the case, we can begin the process of letting go. This is, at least in my mind, a type of action.
Try a ‘Worry Time’ Practice
A practical strategy could be to set up a “worry time” practice, a dedicated time where we review and reflect on all of our worries documented throughout the week, why we’re worrying about them, and where they seem to come from.
This is a good strategy for many. What we may find is that when we come to our dedicated “worry time”, many of the worries that were on our mind, the ones at 5 am on Tuesday, aren’t actually anything that bothers us now, and weren’t really that big a deal; they’ve dissipated with time, pointing to:
Life has a funny way of figuring itself out.
Because it’s just true, and our entire lives up to this point have numerous examples of where, at the time of the worry, it seemed like this big, overwhelming thing that we couldn’t overcome, handle, or bring ourselves not to worry about, yet, with action (if appropriate) and time, they have dissipated, just like passing clouds.
I’m not saying that when it comes to health concerns, issues, or life challenges, any of this is easy, or that what we’re worrying about is stupid, silly, or not understandable.
My point is:
The worry itself doesn’t change the situation; we often can’t control it. It only leads to more suffering at the mercy of the worry, while in reality, life will figure itself out, because it’s always unfolding, whether we like it or not.
Resistance Hurts More Than the Worry
Life figuring itself out doesn’t mean that it will always be pleasant, or what we want in every situation. Unfortunate, sad, and bad things happen all the time. Adding another layer of pain through allowing worries to dictate and control our lives, just in my experience, exacerbates the situation, rather than giving us the tools (in whatever shape or form they come in) to navigate the situation with more acceptance, peace, and calm, and less resistance, tension, and chaos.
Because here’s the thing:
It’s often our resistance to the thing that causes more distress than the thing itself.
When we learn to let go, which is a practice in itself, and embody life’s uncomfortable truths, like life has a way of figuring itself out, we develop more faith and trust in life itself. Which isn’t anything woo-woo, but a much better way of navigating the difficult moments, the difficult days, the challenges that test us to our limits, and ultimately, this thing called life.
For example,
We worry about how we’re going to pay for the car bill when the car breaks down, or what Joe is going to think about us at work when we deliver some bad news, or that upcoming hospital appointment next Thursday, or a whole host of other things, and yet they’re going to come and go anyway, whether we worry about them or not…
Our Perspective Shapes Our Reality
It’s our mindset, perspective, and how we view the world that determine how we navigate these situations.
Remember: It’s our perspective that shapes and determines our reality.
We can either allow worries to drain all of our energy, often becoming a victim of them in the process, or develop a bias towards action and solutions, and practise learning to detach and let go of worries a little bit more, especially when we’ve done all that we can do, because continuing to ruminate about them doesn’t lead to any good place. Trust me, as a chronic worrier and overthinker, I know!
The TL;DR
Worries are a natural part of being human, a type of thought, simply passing clouds of the mind, and can be insightful, because we only worry about things we care about. The way to dissipate a worry is through a bias towards action. If there is something we can practically do to ease the worry, do it. If not, begin the process of letting it go, so it doesn’t end up draining our energy and taking over our lives. At the end of the day, whether we worry or not, life is always unfolding; that’s what it does with each passing moment. And most of the time, it has a funny way of figuring itself out.
It’s only when we take a step back that we begin to realise this for ourselves. And how all of our past worries are far-distant memories, not even in our recognition of consciousness anymore. The funny thing is, the worries we have today will, over time, become the same: distant memories that we question… oh, why was I worrying about that?
If that doesn’t bring you a sense of faith and trust in life itself. I don’t know what will.
The Key Takeaways on Why Worrying Doesn’t Work
- Worrying is a Mirage: You might feel like you’re preparing for the worst by worrying, but it’s an illusion. It doesn’t solve the actual problem, and life often has a way of working itself out regardless.
- Worries are Temporary: Think of worries as passing clouds in your mind. The things that trouble you today are rarely the same things that troubled you a year ago. They naturally fade with time.
- Focus on Your Response: You can’t control every event in your life, but you always have control over how you respond. Worrying is an unhelpful attempt to control things that are outside your influence.
- Take Action Instead: The best way to counter anxiety is with action. This doesn’t have to be a huge leap. It can be as simple as identifying a practical step to ease the worry or making the conscious choice to let it go.
- Schedule Your Worries: Try setting aside a specific ‘worry time’. When you review your worries later, you’ll often find many have already lost their power or seem insignificant, proving they were temporary.
- Let Go of Resistance: Fighting against a situation often causes more pain than the situation itself. Practising acceptance helps you navigate challenges with more peace and less internal chaos.
- Your Viewpoint Matters: How you see a situation directly impacts how you experience it. You can choose to let worries drain your energy, or you can focus on solutions and letting go.
FAQs for Why Worrying Doesn’t Work (and What to Do Instead)
Why does worrying feel so productive?
Worrying can trick your brain into feeling like you are preparing for a negative outcome. Because you are actively thinking about a problem, it creates the illusion that you are doing something to solve it, even though the mental stress rarely changes the situation.
If I can’t stop worrying instantly, what should I do?
Instead of trying to just stop, shift your focus. Acknowledge the worry, then ask yourself if there is a practical, actionable step you can take to address it. If there is, do it. If not, the action becomes practising the process of letting it go.
What does it mean to have a ‘bias towards action’?
A bias towards action means you prioritise doing something constructive over passive rumination. When a worry appears, your default response is to look for a solution or a small step you can take. This gives you a sense of agency and is a powerful antidote to feeling overwhelmed.
How does a ‘worry time’ practice work?
You set aside a specific, dedicated time each day or week to think about your worries. Throughout the day, when a worry pops up, you jot it down to review during your ‘worry time’. Many people find that by the time they get to the scheduled slot, many of their worries no longer feel important or have resolved themselves.
Are all worries bad for you?
Not necessarily. Worries often point to things you deeply care about. In small doses, they can be insightful. They become a problem when they disrupt your peace of mind and quality of life, leading to a cycle of overthinking that doesn’t help you move forward.