It’s said that facts don’t care about feelings.
A fact is a fact and can’t be argued with or denied.
While that might be true.
Feelings also don’t care about facts.
At the end of the day, we don’t experience the world through facts. We experience the world through our emotions and feelings, or, as I like to say, our felt experience of the world.
That’s not to say that one is superior to the other, but it is to say that how we feel matters.
When the Facts Say You’re Fine, But You Feel Anything But
For example, let’s say we’ve been feeling tired, lethargic and exhausted and decide to get some health tests done. If we have a compassionate doctor, we go to them; if not, we decide to use an at-home service like Healf Zone.
Our biomarkers come back “in normal range”. This is a “fact”. But it doesn’t stop us from feeling tired, lethargic, exhausted, etc. And while the fact that we have normal results is “good”, what does it actually mean if our felt experience of the world is the same?
Normal results don’t change our felt experience. Therefore, how we feel matters.
No Two Felt Experiences Are the Same
It’s a dichotomy to navigate because no two felt experiences are the same.
One person could have normal results yet feel tired, lethargic, exhausted, etc., while another person has “out-of-range” results and feels differently.
Although the manifestation of “out-of-range” results in the second person could appear differently.
This points to the fundamental truth that health is personalised and no two people are the same.
We are all unique in our biology, history, lifestyle and goals. Let alone how we experience and interact with the world.
How to Honour How You Feel Without Becoming a Victim of It
The challenge this poses is: how do we honour how we feel without letting our emotions and feelings dictate our lives and turn us into a victim of them?
Staying with the example of tiredness, etc., if someone is tired all the time, do they give in to the tiredness and sleep, and rest constantly, becoming a less-functioning person with each passing day, or do they neglect how they feel, lie to themselves and others that they are okay when they clearly aren’t, and push through with willpower endlessly?
Either approach just doesn’t work!
And that doesn’t take into consideration that many get palmed off with “it’s all in their heads”.
That how they feel isn’t backed up by the data, the results, or this or that, so therefore… nothing. We just have to live with how we feel and navigate it the best we can.
But what about when it’s affecting how we operate in daily life and our overall quality of life, even if the biomarkers come back “in normal range”?
Look, it’s true that our perspective shapes and determines our reality. If we constantly tell ourselves something, anything, we take on that persona and ultimately become that person.
If we’re telling ourselves we’re tired all the time. We’re tired all the time.
That’s why how we feel is such a dichotomy. It’s subjective. Let alone complex.
But just because it’s subjective doesn’t mean that it doesn’t matter.
Defining emotional health language, such as emotional intelligence, emotional regulation and emotional control, to name a few, as well as having frameworks and access to tools for understanding and processing our emotions, can greatly help in navigating this part of our lives.
A Framework for Emotional Health: The Two Baskets
One framework which can help to put all of this into context is having two baskets:
- Acute, short-term
- Chronic, long-term
Acute, Short-Term Emotions
Let’s start with acute, short-term:
Unlike an acute illness, whereby you want to get to A&E right away, acute emotions and feelings are short emotional bursts. For example, feeling angry when someone cuts you off in traffic, or pisses you off at work, etc.
It’s these moments that we specifically don’t want to dictate our lives because they are much like the wind, changing from one direction to another frequently as we go throughout our daily lives.
One moment we feel anger, in another moment we feel calm. Reacting to each one and allowing them to dictate our lives is naive at best, often leading to emotional dysregulation and a highly chaotic life.
The key is awareness. To become more aware of events and situations that trigger emotions and how we feel. Over time, this will develop emotional intelligence, which will help us choose our response rather than reacting to life’s events.
Here’s an interesting lesson about acute, short-term emotions: they often don’t last as long as we think they do. Instead, we hold onto them, not letting them go.
The antidote?
It starts by truly feeling feelings, not by reacting to or judging them, but by truly feeling them, despite how uncomfortable they might be, and then letting them go.
Sounds simple, doesn’t it?
It’s anything but.
That’s not to say it’s not possible through time, practice and conscious effort.
Chronic, Long-Term Emotions
Chronic, aka long-term emotions, on the other hand, are the sum of how we feel over a long period of time. It’s the feeling of being tired all the time, as mentioned before.
This is our body’s way of telling us something is awry.
It can be any emotion or feeling. I used tiredness as it’s a common one.
For you, it could be frustration, sadness or loneliness.
Either way, like any chronic health condition, there is a root cause, and if left untreated will not only prolong but exacerbate in the process, despite what any of the fact-finding tools report.
But not only that, and I referenced it before, our quality of life will be severely impacted, and often decreased.
The antidote?
To get to the root cause.
Keeping with the tiredness example…
Okay, our biomarkers come back “in normal range”, so maybe it’s nothing biological (yet).
Maybe we feel tired because we work a job that drains our energy, or are taking on too much and can’t say no, or are exposed to toxins that haven’t yet impacted our biomarkers…
The list is rather endless.
Instead of just dismissing how we feel, it requires us to look below the surface and explore what could be the potential root cause/s. This requires time, curiosity, conscious effort, and an understanding that it’s not a linear process, but a journey of ups and downs.
Whether it’s how we feel in the acute, short-term, or chronic, long-term, this points to:
Our emotions, feelings, and how we feel are all feedback tools to learn and grow from.
Emotions as Feedback Tools for Growth
They offer insight into ourselves, our well-being, our inner landscape and our lives.
They aren’t to be castigated, ignored, suppressed or dismissed. But navigated with awareness, consciousness, curiosity, intention and openness to learning more about ourselves and our lives.
They’re to be accepted, felt and experienced. Not from the victim mindset, but from the place and understanding that every emotion, every feeling, and how we feel has a reason for being, and none, even the unpleasant ones, are superior to another.
Instead, each emotion, whether pleasant or unpleasant, brings colour to what would otherwise be a very dark world.
Sure, we all want to experience the pleasant ones, from peace, contentment, joy and calm to excitement, happiness and fulfilment.
The truth of the matter is that we can’t, nor want to, experience one set of emotions without experiencing the other. They all make life what it is.
The challenge is, as I hope you’ve started to see, when:
- We avoid truly feeling our feelings and how we feel, reacting to them instead.
- They become chronic, long-term and impact our overall quality of life.
And when this happens, we turn to solutions, only to be castigated, turned away, or told how we feel is all in our heads because the facts say otherwise.
Conclusion: Facts and Feelings, Together
The bottom line is this:
Facts do have a role to play. And they can be insightful.
And so are our emotions, feelings and how we feel.
They are our felt experience of the world. They matter.
When our felt experience takes a downturn, our quality of life suffers.
And none of us wants that.
Both facts and feelings are best used in conjunction to help navigate the world and create our healthiest, best lives possible. It’s not easy, but through time, practice, conscious effort, commitment, and dedication to our emotional health and well-being, it’s totally possible.
Key Takeaways on Facts vs. Feelings
- Conflicting Realities: Your personal feelings can often contradict objective facts, like when medical tests show you are healthy, but you still feel exhausted. This highlights that your felt experience of life is a valid and separate reality.
- Health is Unique to You: No two people experience health in the same way. Your biology, history, and lifestyle create a unique personal experience, which is why standardised results don’t always tell the full story.
- Find the Middle Ground: It’s crucial to honour how you feel without letting those feelings completely control your life. The goal is to acknowledge your emotions without becoming a victim of them or suppressing them entirely.
- Categorise Your Emotions: You can better manage your feelings by separating them into two types: acute (short-term emotional bursts, like anger in traffic) and chronic (long-term feelings, like persistent sadness), which require different responses.
- Feelings as Feedback: Treat your emotions as valuable feedback. They offer insights into your inner world and well-being, serving as tools for personal growth rather than something to be ignored or judged.
FAQs for Facts vs Feelings: Why Our Felt Experience Matters
What should I do if my doctor says I’m fine, but I still feel unwell?
When facts say you’re fine, but you feel otherwise, it’s important to honour your experience. Your feelings matter. This is a signal to look deeper, perhaps exploring lifestyle factors, stress, or other root causes that standard tests might not cover. Consider seeking guidance from a professional who looks at health more holistically.
How can I acknowledge my feelings without letting them take over?
The key is awareness. By recognising a feeling without immediately reacting to it, you create space to choose your response. This prevents you from becoming a victim of short-term emotions while still acknowledging their presence and the information they provide.
Why is my felt experience of life so important?
Your felt experience of life is how you actually interact with and perceive the world. While facts provide objective data, your feelings determine your quality of life, your motivations, and your overall sense of well-being. Ignoring them means ignoring a huge part of your human experience.
What is the difference between acute and chronic emotions?
Acute emotions are short-term, fleeting feelings that arise in response to specific events, like a flash of irritation. Chronic emotions are long-term, persistent feelings, such as ongoing tiredness or frustration, which often signal a deeper, underlying issue that needs attention.