In the last edition, I mentioned how I don’t understand why society puts so much emphasis on certain age milestones, such as the “big 3–0,” which I turned 10 days ago at the time of writing.
The Pressure of Turning 30 and the Brules Behind It
I’m very much in the camp that age is just a number, a reflection of how long we’ve been here on planet Earth. For this to equate to having to hit or achieve certain milestones to be deemed a “success” is rather perplexing.
Securing a “good, well-paying” job, getting a house, and having at least one child (probably two) all by the time you turn 30 still seems to be the narrative we’re told and encouraged to follow. And this doesn’t even include marriage.
The notion that by the time we’re 30, we should have our lives figured out is flawed and puts an enormous amount of stress and pressure on the vast majority of people. I’ve come to realise that this is what often causes distress, not the number itself.
Research supports this as studies show that milestone ages encourage people to take stock of where they are and adopt a more evaluative perspective on their lives, often placing greater pressure on what they haven’t yet achieved.
It’s rather amusing at the same time because, let’s be honest…
None of us, even the best of us, has it “figured out.”
Whatever that actually means 🤔
We’re all doing the best we can, operating from our highest level of consciousness in each moment and navigating this often-crazy thing called life.
Where Brules Come From and Why We Still Follow Them
The societal rules, which a mentor of mine, Vishen Lakhiani, refers to as Brules (Bullshit Rules), often keep us stuck in a box and limit our personal growth, especially in the modern world.
Most of these rules have been passed down from generation to generation. While they may have served a purpose in the past, many of them are obsolete today.
Sure, 100 years ago, having a family by your mid-twenties was a good idea because global life expectancy was only around the early thirties, according to Our World in Data. We didn’t have much time to hang around.
That’s not me saying we should rest on our laurels and think we have all the time in the world, because I don’t believe that either. Life happens in mysterious ways and can change in an instant. I’m sure we’ve all experienced this to varying degrees.
On the flip side, thanks to modern advancements, we live longer, and life expectancy is far greater than it was for our ancestors. One of the challenges, though, is that we’re still operating from old belief systems, narratives, and rules, and we don’t question them.
How Unquestioned Beliefs Shape Our Lives
We don’t stop and ask: Does this belief serve me? Does this belief still serve us as a society today?
Instead, we blindly accept many belief systems and rules. If we don’t follow them, we risk being ostracised and frowned upon by family, friends, and society at large.
We fail to recognise that while being human is what connects us, we’re all different at the same time, on our own unique paths. One path isn’t better than another; they’re just different.
I think this is what “upsets the apple cart,” so to speak. We have a hard time accepting when someone does something different, maybe because it hits a nerve, and we realise we haven’t had the courage to follow our own true path.
Why It’s Never Too Late to Rewrite Your Story
But it’s never too late.
Even if we’re far down a certain path, maybe the wrong path, there is always something we can do to change our trajectory and start following our own. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
Because what’s the alternative?
To live a life wondering, questioning yourself, and in regret?
That doesn’t sound like the life many of us want to create. Yet, for many, it’s their current reality.
I reiterate: just because it’s your current reality doesn’t mean you don’t have the power to change it.
Sure, it won’t happen overnight. But one small action today can start to make a difference. Often, starting is the biggest challenge.
Comfort vs. Change: The Brule That Keeps You Stuck
Why?
Because change is hard. It’s easier to stay the same than to change.
It’s easier to stick with what you know, even if it means discomfort, unhappiness, and pain, rather than change and embrace the unknown.
What we don’t always recognise is that both are choices. Each has a series of outcomes that ultimately become our reality.
Discovering Your Core Values as an Antidote to Brules
The best way I’ve found to navigate this is to know our values. Not society’s values. Not our best friend’s values. Not our mother’s values. Our values.
Our values are our internal compass for navigating the world. They help us make choices and decisions.
Unfortunately, many people don’t consciously know their values because they’ve never been asked or have never thought about it. As I mentioned earlier, most of the time, we blindly navigate the world, accepting other people’s values, belief systems, narratives, and ideologies without ever questioning them, and without doing the inner work to discover our own.
So no wonder we get to 30, 40, 45, or older and start questioning: What the fck have I been doing?!*
No wonder the quarter-life crisis has become the new mid-life crisis, because many of us aren’t living our true paths, instead merely accepting society’s Brules and false narratives, which leave us feeling empty, lost, depressed, and confused.
Designing a Life That’s True to You
The antidote?
Realise that there is no universal law stating that any of us has to do or achieve anything by a certain age. Instead, our lives are our lives, our playground. We have the choice to create our lives by design.
Yes, we all come from different backgrounds and cultures, which play a role in our trajectory, but they aren’t the whole truth, and they don’t define us.
Who we choose to be, how we choose to live, and whether we follow our true path is what ends up defining us, not whether we follow a Brule that’s no longer relevant today.
So, what does all of this mean?
In simple terms:
Become clear on your core values and live as authentically and as true to yourself as possible, despite all the noise and distractions of the modern world.
I know this is easier said than done, which is why I’m a huge advocate of personal growth and spiritual practice. In my experience, they are the gateway to blocking out the noise and doing the inner work required to live true to ourselves and follow our own path.
Age Is Just a Number, Living Beyond Society’s Timelines
Turning the big 3-0 has made me realise and internalise this even more. When I block out the external noise, it doesn’t bother me. When I let society’s outdated narratives in, it does.
So I block them out as best I can and remember that age is just a number. I feel the same at 30 as I did at 20, 21, and 22; you get the point.
And surely, that’s what matters: how we feel, our experience of life itself, and whether we are growing on our own true path.
Remember: Your life is your life. Follow your own true path, not anyone else’s.
Key Takeaways on Breaking Society’s Brules
- The Pressure of 30 is a Myth: Society often pushes a narrative that you need a specific job, a house, and a family by 30. This creates immense stress based on outdated expectations, or “Brules” (Bullshit Rules), not your actual age.
- Outdated Rules Persist: Many societal expectations are inherited from previous generations when life circumstances, like life expectancy, were vastly different. We often follow them without questioning if they still make sense today.
- Unquestioned Beliefs Limit You: Blindly accepting societal norms without asking if they align with your personal truth can lead you down a path that isn’t your own, often out of fear of being different.
- It’s Never Too Late for a New Path: You always have the power to change your direction. Starting might be the hardest part, but taking one small action today is better than living with the regret of not following your true calling.
- Your Values are Your Compass: The most effective way to counteract societal pressure is to identify your own core values. They act as an internal guide, helping you make decisions that are authentic to you, not to others.
- Design a Life True to You: Your background doesn’t have to define your future. You have the choice to design a life based on what truly matters to you, creating your own timeline for success and happiness.
FAQs for Breaking Society’s Brules
What are “Brules” and why are they a problem?
“Brules” is a term for “Bullshit Rules,” which are the outdated societal expectations and beliefs we are often pressured to follow. They can be a problem because they may not align with your personal values or modern life, causing stress and leading you down a path that isn’t truly yours.
Why does turning 30 feel so stressful for many people?
The stress of turning 30 often comes from the societal pressure to have achieved certain milestones, like a specific career, marriage, or home ownership. It’s not the number itself but the weight of these external expectations that can cause anxiety and feelings of inadequacy.
Is it really possible to change my life if I feel I’m on the wrong path?
Yes, it is never too late to change your trajectory. While it requires courage to step into the unknown, the alternative is often a life of regret. Starting with one small, intentional action today can begin to shift your entire future a more fulfilling path.
How can I start living a life that is more authentic to me?
A great first step is to discover your core values. When you understand what is most important to you, you can use those values as a compass to make decisions. This inner work helps you block out external noise and follow your own path.
What if my personal timeline doesn’t match my friends’ or family’s?
That’s perfectly okay. Everyone is on their own unique process, and there is no universal deadline for achievements. Comparing your path to someone else’s is unhelpful. The most important thing is how you feel and whether you are growing in a way that feels true to you.
