Luke Burrows

RC14: How to Gain Clarity on Who You Are and What You Stand For with Kiki Kirby

Our world is filled with chaos and challenges on many levels. But that doesn’t mean that all hope is lost. It’s in this chaos that we can find purpose and meaning and the first step begins with healing ourselves.

Kiki Kirby, the founder of Kiki Kirby Coaching and Consultancy, know’s all too well about this, having experienced grief and trauma early on. In our conversation, she shares how trauma is often deeply rooted in our past experiences and can manifest itself in various ways in our bodies and throughout our lives.

If we leave these unresolved issues to fester they often lead to feelings of not being good enough, perfectionism, imposter syndrome, and even physical health problems. The first step is to acknowledge our hidden traumas and seek help to heal from them. It’s a courageous journey to confront the past and move forward with intention but necessary if we want to shape our lives for the better.

In our fast-paced world, overwhelm is a common challenge that we face. People often say yes to too many commitments, leading to stress and burnout. As mentioned this could be connected to unresolved issues such as not being good enough, and therefore feeling that you always need to say yes to be valued. Kiki advises a simple yet powerful process to overcome overwhelm: clarity, prioritise and solve.

She explains how this powerful process starts by identifying our top priorities across many areas of our lives, from health to work and relationships. Once you have clarity, you can begin to reevaluate and reprioritise tasks and commitments. Once you’re aware, of what is most important to you, it’s then up to you to develop the courage to say no when something doesn’t align with your priorities. Remember, saying no can be an act of self-love and kindness.

Many people struggle with saying no because they fear it might hurt others or lead to conflict. However, saying no doesn’t need to be done spitefully and in fact, can be done with love and kindness. To say no with love and kindness, first, understand your priorities and values. When you’re clear about what truly matters to you, saying no becomes easier. Then, use concise statements to decline offers or commitments, and remember, you don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation. It’s about protecting your energy and staying true to your values.

Kiki has developed a powerful framework for personal growth and transformation: The 5 S Heart-Centered Framework. This framework consists of Seek, Solve, Systems, Scale, and Self. Seek involves identifying your priorities, while Solve focuses on addressing procrastination and overwhelm. Systems help you create routines and habits that support your goals. Scale is about growth and personal development, while Self involves rediscovering who you are and living authentically.

With this framework in mind, we can start to navigate chaos and challenges more easily because we remember who we are and what we stand for. We recognise our value and know that we are enough just as we are. All personal growth that follows expands who we already are and empowers us to live even better lives.

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