I find it both fascinating and scary but the good type of scary if there is such a thing to know that we all have unconscious motives that drive our actions and behaviours. I think that it’s our personal quest to uncover what these unconscious motives are so that we can change them if required to live better more fulfilling lives. In this episode, I’m joined (or should I say re-joined) by Dr. John Demartini, who brings light to this realisation and shares how to uncover our unconscious motives.
Dr. Demartini starts by pointing out that many of us often complain about various aspects of our lives, whether it be our jobs, relationships, or health, yet we continue to remain in those circumstances. I’ve been guilty of this in the past, and I’m sure you have been too. The reason for this seemingly contradictory behaviour lies in the fact that they receive some form of advantage, benefit, or payoff from those situations, even if they are not consciously aware of it.
To illustrate this, Dr. Demartini shares examples from different areas of life. For instance, someone might express dissatisfaction with their job, claiming that it is unfulfilling or stressful. However, upon deeper examination, it becomes evident that they are deriving a sense of financial security or stability from that job, which outweighs the negative aspects. Similarly, in relationships, people may complain about their partner’s behaviour or the dynamics of their relationship, yet they continue to stay in it. Dr. Demartini explains that this is because they are subconsciously receiving advantages or benefits from the relationship that exceed the frustrations they feel and voice.
I find this realisation to be mind-blowing and can see first-hand how it’s shown up in my own life and led to some of the choices and decisions that I’ve made. However, others may not be so open to the idea but that doesn’t disregard its truthfulness. Being open to the idea is the first step to creating positive change in our lives.
Dr. Demartini goes on to explain the importance of becoming aware of these unconscious motives and doing so by asking ourselves what advantages or benefits we are gaining from certain behaviours or situations in our lives. It’s through bringing conscious awareness to them that we can gain a deeper understanding of our motivations. This awareness empowers us to make conscious choices and decisions and take intentional actions that align with our highest values and goals.
Our conversation then expanded onto the topic of resilience and adaptability. Dr. Demartini shares how important a resilient mind is in the ability to see both the positives and negatives of a situation without being overly attached or averse to either. He explains that extreme polarisations and absolute perceptions hinder resilience, as they limit our perspective and ability to adapt. A neutral and/or objective mindset allows us to embrace both sides of a situation, enabling us to navigate challenges with greater flexibility and grace.
I reflect and share on my own personal growth journey and the realisation that there may be gaps between the values I aspire to embody and current actions. I highlight the importance of conscious personal growth and spiritual practice in bridging these gaps and living a more value-driven life which Dr. Demartini helps me to realise.
In summary, Dr. John Demartini sheds light on the profound impact of our unconscious motives on our behaviour and choices. We talk about the significance of self-awareness, resilience, and living a value-driven life by understanding our motivations and cultivating a balanced mindset and that when we do this we can embark on a transformative journey of personal growth and fulfilment.
