Happiness is fleeting. It comes and goes.
Think of accomplishing an elusive goal; in the moment, we’re full of happiness, joy and elation, but as soon as we reach the peak, it starts to diminish… quicker than a boulder gathering momentum, rolling down a hill.
Therefore, we must at least question: Is happiness the goal?
Society thinks so.
We get brought up on the notion that happiness is the be-all and end-all.
It’s the thing to strive for.
And if we aren’t happy, then somehow we’ve failed at this game called life!
The Illusion of Success as the Path to Happiness
And how does society think we get there?
Through success.
We assume that success equals happiness.
But as many have found time and time again, this is an illusion.
Many have pursued the path of success to achieve happiness, only to come up short and be left questioning not just themselves, but life itself.
Therefore, is success the answer, either?
I’m not saying that happiness or success doesn’t have a place.
Pursuing hard things and achieving them, aka happiness and success, are definitely part of the recipe for living a meaningful, good life.
However, as stated, neither is the elusive goal that many give up so much for in pursuit of something better.
As Chris Williamson says: “Don’t sacrifice the thing you want for the thing that’s supposed to get it.”
That’s the trap many of us fall into.
Maybe There Is No ‘Actual Answer’
The crazy thing about this is, maybe you, like me, don’t have the actual answer.
And who’s to say that there is an “actual answer”?
Happiness, success, and everything in between are a journey that we are all to embark on to figure them out for ourselves.
We only have our individual theories and insights based on our life experiences thus far.
Why Striving Only for Happiness Limits Us
Here’s mine (that I’m still learning to embrace):
When we strive for happiness as the elusive goal, we disregard every other emotion available to us.
And what a shame that this could be!
We’re human. We’re meant, designed even, to not experience one emotion only.
Imagine if all we did was experience happiness after happiness, after happiness after happiness. Our experience of the world would be so narrow that we wouldn’t have the context (and dare I say joy) of experiencing all emotions and feelings.
Of course, this is easy to say when we’re not in the depths of an anxious meltdown; when we’re in that place, all we want to do is get out of it.
It feels… horrible!
And don’t get me wrong, that isn’t the goal either.
The Real Goal: A Healthier Alternative to Chasing Happiness
My point is this: wouldn’t a better goal than just striving for happiness be to experience what it means to be a full human being with all of its trials and tribulations, with one caveat…
When we are in any emotional state, whether that be high-energy unpleasant like anger, or low-energy pleasant like grateful, we’re able to experience all of them with a degree of consciousness, awareness and control whereby we don’t react, but feel and respond.
The Lifelong Practice of Feeling, Not Reacting
This takes a great deal of skill, effort, intelligence and practice, not for a day, a week, a month or a few months… but for our entire lives!
Whether we ever learn to truly master our feelings and emotions is a question for people who get paid more than I do. However, my take is that it’s a lifelong game with always new levels to unlock.
I do believe we can get to a place where, despite any emotion we experience, especially the uncomfortable ones like anger, anxiety, worry, etc., we can learn to sit and be at peace with them without reacting and casting judgement.
In other words, to live with an overall feeling tone of peace, contentment, and presence and that everything will be okay, no matter what.
I don’t know about you, but I think that this is much healthier than chasing an elusive goal of happiness, which is fleeting and goes much quicker than it ever arrives, so much so that most times, we can’t even catch our breath.
Reflect on Your Own Relationship with Happiness
All of this is to say: reflect on this for a few days and what it means for you and your life. What is your relationship with happiness? And is it serving you? If not, is it time for change?
Reminders
1. Don’t sacrifice the thing you want for the thing that’s supposed to get it.
We often chase success or happiness as if they’re the panacea to a better life, only to lose sight of what truly matters. The goal isn’t the vehicle, it’s the destination, which only you can define.
2. Feel and experience every emotion fully.
Rather than reacting to emotions and feelings, and casting judgement, labelling them as good or bad, can you meet them with curiosity: What is this feeling trying to tell me?
This is how we learn to feel first, respond second, and grow through our inner experience.
3. Seek stillness.
In a crazy, busy world full of constant highs, stillness gives us the space that endless happiness can’t. It’s in presence, not pursuit, that we find peace, and maybe even a deeper, truer form of happiness.