No matter what endeavour we undertake, there is no such thing as perfectionism.
There is just doing the next step, then the next step, then the next step, learning as we go, being adaptable, resilient and consistent along the way.
The Illusion of Perfection
This lesson took me a long time to understand, and honestly, my perfectionist tendencies still often rise. They cause more stress and mental anguish than is probably deemed healthy.
Where Perfectionism Comes From
It’s a scale that we all sit on, and I’ve come to learn that there are different types, from believing we need to be perfect to believing we need to be seen as perfect.
Each has slightly different underlying factors, but the bottom line still results in perfectionism, which can often get in the way.
The Difference Between Excellence and Perfection
We mistake perfectionism for seeking excellence. The difference lies in whether what we’re pursuing, or the outcome of the thing we’re pursuing, is rooted in our self-worth and self-esteem, achieving some elusive outcome that we think will fix ourselves because we’re just not enough as we are.
The truth is that nothing is perfect, not even ourselves, and that’s okay. This creates room for growth and is an opportunity to see what’s possible.
Whether we’re planning a project, setting personal goals or embarking on a new venture, everything lies on sliding scales and carries a plethora of positives and negatives.
The question is: are we aware of them?
And, what are the costs we are willing to pay?
The Hidden Costs of Perfectionism
Whether we seek perfection, internally or externally, it’s all an illusion, often rooted in insecurity and fear.
Most of us don’t want to admit this to ourselves and push it down into our subconscious. We’re under the illusion that it’s safe there and that we can just get on with our lives.
Sure, we can still operate functionally. However, that doesn’t mean it comes without consequences, which often affect our mental, physical and social well-being.
True Honesty With Ourselves
But what if we were really, really, really honest with ourselves? What truths would we be willing to admit and uncover? And how would that change the trajectory of our lives?
This doesn’t just apply to our perfectionist tendencies; it stands for every area of our lives.
And these are some of the questions I believe we are to ask ourselves if we want to live our best lives possible.
My experience shows that if we live under this weird kind of self-deception, it has a great impact on our entire lives.
Just think of it this way: if we can’t be honest with ourselves, how can we be honest with others?
Therefore, this affects all of our relationships, from loved ones to everyone we meet.
And, for the most part, it’s all rooted in our insecurities and fears.
Insecurities, Fears, and Self-Work
The reassuring thing is that we all have them!
We all have insecurities and fears. The difference lies in how much we allow them to dictate our lives and stop us from doing the things we want to do and being the person we want to be.
For example, through self-work, developing mental fortitude and building the skills, many have pushed through their fears and experienced (and continue to experience) life on the other side.
Many continue to face their insecurities and do the work required to live a fulfilling life despite them.
Growth Through Imperfection
None of this is a walk in the park…
It takes time, energy and a vulnerable willingness to embrace the fact that we have imperfections, demons, insecurities and fears to work through, and that this is part of being human.
Through conscious personal growth and self-work, we realise that they aren’t our destiny and they can be chipped away at. That doesn’t mean we will ever be free from them, but it does mean that, one small step at a time, we can live a better, healthier, more fulfilling life, and surely that’s the ultimate goal.
Bringing It All Together
Bringing this back around full circle…
Perfectionism is often tied up in our insecurities and fears. And while they may all feel like a life sentence through self-work and conscious personal growth, we’re able to develop and learn the skills, practices and mental models (ways of thinking and being) to help us show up in the world better to live a healthier life, our best life possible, and not be a victim to the less helpful parts of ourselves.
I believe that, seeing as we’re only here once, at least in the form of being human, this is a worthwhile quest for all of us to take on.
Perfectionism is an illusion. Everything has a cost.
Through self-work, we’re able to see this more clearly and chip away at these tendencies to live our best lives possible while we can.
Remember this the next time you’re trying to seek perfection.
Reminders
1. Be honest with oneself.
Honesty with ourselves is the gateway to honest relationships and a fulfilling life. If we can’t be honest with ourselves, how can we expect to be truly honest with others? When we stay in self-deception, it impacts every area of our lives.
2. Grow through your imperfections.
Imperfections, insecurities and fears aren’t life sentences. Through conscious personal growth, we can chip away at them one step at a time. But it requires us to develop the courage to act and be honest with ourselves.
3. Choose action over perfection.
Progress is made through taking the next step, then the next, learning as we go. It’s not made by chasing an illusion of perfection. Act, learn, grow, and get better later; don’t wallow in perfection and overanalysis.