We all go through difficult times. I’m there right now. During this time, thanks to my amazing family doing all they can to help, I’ve gained some insights into the idea of positive thinking.
Positivity Has Its Place
I’m not against positive thinking or positivity. In a world where negativity sells and is all around us at the touch of a fingertip, drowning it out with positivity, gratitude, and feel-good vibes is a great antidote! It’s one reason I believe we can all learn to feel good more often without avoiding the hard stuff.
I think we can all learn to be more positive and grateful, and to notice all the good stuff in our lives. As Gary Vee says, the chances of us being human are 400 trillion to 1, so we have a lot to be positive about and grateful for…
We Only “Need” Positivity When We Dislike Where We Are
One insight into positive thinking I’ve realised, after my family have been encouraging me to focus on the positives and keep my chin up, is this: oftentimes we only “need to” focus on the positives when we’re doing something we don’t enjoy, dislike, or find ourselves in a challenging or difficult situation.
For example, we might get encouraged to focus on the positives when working a job we hate, being somewhere we don’t want to be, or having to go out of our way when we’d rather be doing something else, especially if that thing or situation drains our energy.
This kind of positive thinking actually reiterates the fact that we’re doing something we don’t enjoy, or are in a difficult situation. We’re only thinking positively to lift our spirits because of what we’re doing, or the situation we’re in… This is close to what psychologists call toxic positivity, where forced optimism ends up masking or invalidating what we’re genuinely feeling.
Make sense?
Think of it this way…
Why Joy Is a By-Product, Not a Goal
We don’t focus on the positives when we’re doing something we enjoy, because we’re so caught up living in the moment, doing the thing, that the natural by-product of doing it is joy and feel-good emotions! This is essentially the flow state that Mihály Csíkszentmihályi wrote about: when we’re fully absorbed in something, happiness emerges on its own, without us having to manufacture it.
So what’s the solution?
The Antidote: Acceptance, Then Action
The solution is to learn to accept the situation for what it is, to be in a state of surrender, with no labels attached. It’s the attachment of labels (i.e. positive or negative) that drives us from our peace and sanity. In many ways, this is the heart of navigating pain without getting stuck in it.
This isn’t to say that if an ongoing situation, like working a job we hate, is making us unhappy, unfulfilled, and depressed, we should just keep working that job.
On the contrary… It’s accepting that this is the situation, with no labels, and not fighting it, and then directing your attention to what you can do about it!
Look for a new job?
Update our CV?
Think about what we want from life?
Etc.
That’s the antidote!
And it’s far more practical than, in this example, working a job we don’t like and only getting through the days by “thinking positively”.
That’s no way to live life!
We end up falling into a rut, and before we know it, 5, 10, 15 years or more have gone by.
That’s what I’ve learned about positive thinking. What about you? Where do you stand on it?
Key Takeaways on Positive Thinking
- Positivity Has Its Place: Gratitude and good feelings help balance out daily negativity, helping you feel good more often without ignoring tough realities.
- Forced Positivity Signals Discontent: Relying constantly on positive thoughts often means you are stuck in a situation you dislike, which can lead to toxic optimism.
- Joy Emerges Naturally: When you fully engage in activities you love, true joy appears on its own as a natural result rather than something you must force.
- Acceptance Drives Real Change: Instead of masking dissatisfaction with happy thoughts, accept your current reality without labels, then take clear actions to improve your life.
FAQs for The Problem With Positive Thinking (and What Works)
Why can positive thinking sometimes feel harmful?
When you force optimism during a tough situation, you might end up masking your genuine feelings. This toxic positivity hides the core issue instead of addressing what actually bothers you.
How do you know if you are using positivity as a coping mechanism?
If you constantly repeat positive mantras just to get through a workday or an environment you dislike, you are likely using positivity to endure something that needs real change.
What is the difference between forced positivity and true joy?
Forced positivity requires conscious effort to feel good during uncomfortable moments. True joy happens naturally when you lose yourself in activities you genuinely care about.
What should you do instead of trying to stay positive all the time?
Accept your current situation as it is without attaching good or bad labels. Once you stop fighting reality, focus your energy on practical action to change your circumstances.
