Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about what matters. As I navigate a tricky patch, I want to go beyond the surface-level stuff most of us get caught up in and get to the bottom of what really matters in this life.
Two Lenses for What Really Matters
This has led to a realisation. When it comes to discovering what matters, and I want to stress what really matters, there are two lenses to look at this through. They are:
- What matters in the big construct of life.
- What matters to us on an individual level.
For example, let’s say someone cuts you up while driving. This can be very frustrating, and I’m confident we all know someone, maybe even ourselves, who loses their cool, and others who don’t seem bothered by it one bit!
This begs the question…
What’s the difference between the person who loses their cool and the person who doesn’t?
Well, there might be many reasons, but from what I understand, it’s rooted in what each person values and, based on their values and beliefs, their perception of the situation. In fact, psychologists have a name for this: cognitive appraisal theory. Richard Lazarus showed that events don’t cause our emotions directly; our appraisal of them does. The same objective event can produce anger, indifference, or amusement depending on how we read it.
The person who loses their cool would likely have felt their values being violated in some way. Maybe they felt disrespected by the event…
Whereas the person who isn’t fazed has their values intact. Their values haven’t been violated, so they continue with their day. This is also why we snap in some moments and stay calm in others; it’s less about the event, more about what it touches in us.
This shows how what matters to us individually, what we value, differs from person to person, and therefore affects our lives in different ways.
The Big Construct of Life: Most Things Don’t Matter
Now, through the lens of the big construct of life, I believe that whether you’re the person who loses their cool or the person who doesn’t, there’d be a consensus that being cut up on the road, annoying and frustrating as it is, doesn’t actually matter!
There are far more pressing issues happening in the world, and this is merely a drop in the ocean.
How to Use This as a Self-Discovery Tool
So, what does this mean for our day-to-day lives?
Well, I think we can use this understanding to help us live consciously. As events and situations occur, we can question whether they matter to us on an individual level, especially if we feel triggered, as this is a big sign that they do. And if so, why?
I think this is a great self-discovery tool for uncovering what matters to us, and using that feedback to learn and grow, the same way we can turn our values, vision, and goals into a compass rather than a source of friction.
Then there’s whether they, the events and situations, matter in the big construct of life. From my experience, most things that happen in our day-to-day simply don’t.
But that’s my opinion!
The Response Is Always in Your Power
It’s up to you to run the events and situations that occur in your life through this lens and decide whether they matter or not. And, no matter the answer, decide how you’re going to respond…
Because that’s always in our power!
Thoughts?!
Key Takeaways on What Really Matters
- Two Lenses: You can evaluate your experiences through individual personal values or through the broader scope of life itself.
- Individual Reactions: Your emotional reactions stem from cognitive appraisal, meaning events trigger anger or calmness based on how they align with your core values.
- The Big Perspective: Most daily frustrations seem insignificant when viewed within the vast context of the world.
- Self-Discovery: Noticing when you feel triggered serves as a tool to uncover your core values and guide personal growth.
- Your Response: You always retain complete control over how you react to any situation, regardless of whether it truly matters.
FAQs for What Really Matters? Two Lenses for Living Consciously
What are the two lenses for living consciously?
The two lenses involve looking at what matters to you personally based on your individual values, and examining what matters in the grand construct of life overall.
Why do small events trigger strong reactions?
According to cognitive appraisal theory, your emotions depend on how you perceive an event. If an action feels like a violation of your core values, you feel frustrated or angry.
How can you use emotional triggers for self-discovery?
When you feel triggered, ask yourself why the situation affects you. This reflection helps you identify your core values.
Can you control your emotional response to frustrating events?
Yes, you always hold the ability to decide how you respond to any situation, even if the initial trigger feels automatic.
