We all have activities, people, environments, and certain conditions that help us to feel good.
Similarly, this is the case for feeling bad. However, we define it.
Our life’s work is to find, discover, and shape our lives in the direction of feeling good more of the time, by stacking certain conditions in our favour.
This is how we live a good life. Our best life possible.
Does it seem too simplistic?
Maybe. Maybe not.
One thing is for sure: when we take a step back, we begin to see that we like to make life more complicated than it really needs to be. I know I’m guilty of this myself.
There’s one small caveat.
Feeling Good Doesn’t Mean Taking the Easy Road
Just because we stack certain conditions in our favour, conditions that help us feel good more of the time, doesn’t mean we avoid doing hard things.
Take exercise.
A hard thing for many. Yet after a 5k run or a session at the gym, it’s fair to say that the majority of us feel good, better afterwards than we did beforehand. Research consistently shows that even short-duration exercise increases positive well-being and reduces psychological distress.
Yes, the workout might have been tiring and challenged us. But we feel good for having shown up and got it done.
Therefore, the conclusion I at least draw is this: feeling good, or doing the things that give us energy, and this is a huge piece of it, doesn’t mean doing the easy thing or avoiding the hard.
In the Moment vs. After the Event: The Real Distinction
The challenge is that we have a hard time distinguishing between feeling good in the moment and feeling good after the event.
When in the midst of a 5k run or an intense workout, we may or may not feel good. Some people actually feel good in the midst of such difficulty; maybe it’s their personality type, their programming, or a mindset they’ve cultivated. The majority of us don’t, and push through.
Either way, by pushing through, we feel good on the other side. And better than if we’d taken the easy, comfortable option that often results in a false sense of feeling good, binge eating, and watching Netflix.
Maybe having one, two, or three of those days a year helps us to “feel good”. Personally, I think the jury is still out on this, and it can quickly become a downward spiral if we’re not careful. But each to their own.
Why Busyness Is the Enemy of Feeling Good
We also live in a world where being busy, always on the go, is the norm. And in that busyness, we forget and neglect the activities, people, environments, and conditions that we know help us to feel good and give us energy.
With work, the kids, and a growing list of commitments, no wonder the hobby we love, or the place we love to spend an afternoon, gets pushed down the ladder, leaving our realm of consciousness, maybe never to be picked up again.
Simply put, when we’re always on the go, the things we know help us to feel good almost by default, drop to the bottom of the ladder.
It’s understandable. We can only do so much, and everything has a cost.
Awareness, Acceptance, and Designing Your Life
Being aware of the costs is step one. Accepting the costs we’re willing to pay for the life we want to live is step two, and a crucial part of creating a life by design.
Unfortunately, many aren’t aware. Many have fallen into their life circumstances, sacrificing feeling good, more often than not, for a life they don’t even want to live.
The Myth That Struggle Is the Only Path to a Good Life
This is where we fall into unconsciously accepting a societal misnomer: the belief that doing the things we enjoy, that help us feel good, and that give us energy, is somehow the wrong mindset to have. That we should always chase the hard thing, the struggle, the difficulty. That this is what builds mental toughness, character, and leads to a good life.
Really?
Yes, doing the hard thing, like my exercise example, or pushing through a difficult work project rather than giving up, will help develop mental toughness and fortitude. That’s one of the great things about hard times. They build character and help us grow.
But that doesn’t mean we can’t also create a life where we feel good more of the time, by purposefully and intentionally stacking the conditions in our favour.
And it’s actually not that complicated: do more of the things that help us feel good and give us energy. Fewer of the things that trigger us to feel bad and drain us.
It’s almost as if we get a societal approval badge for not doing this, for always pursuing struggle instead. When, in my experience at least, staying in the relationship we know is going nowhere, staying at the job that drains us, or always people-pleasing and appeasing others are surefire ways to not only feel bad and drain our energy, but to become chronically unhappy, and reach burnout and depression fast.
It’s Not Either-Or: Embracing Both Challenge and Joy
My point:
If we want to live a good life, our best life possible, and surely that is the purpose of life itself, yes, it’s about accepting and embracing challenges and difficulties. But it’s also about doing the activities, spending time with the people, and being in the environments that we know give us energy and help us feel good more of the time.
Positive psychology explores these factors: what allows individuals to thrive, and how we can build conditions that support our own psychological health.
Just imagine if more of us created and designed our lives this way. Just imagine how much more fulfilled we’d be, and how we’d live with more ease, grace, flow, and joy.
These aren’t things to be avoided. They are the essence of life itself.
And here’s the truth:
Life will bring us challenges and hardships no matter what. Whether we like it or not.
Sure, we can intentionally cultivate and purposefully do hard things, like exercise.
But they’re also an innate part of life itself.
The funny thing is that when we do more of the things that give us energy and help us feel good, we have more bandwidth and energy to tackle challenges, whether purposefully cultivated or not. Funny that.
So, with this in mind, why not give ourselves a little more grace, freedom, and space to do more of the things we know give us energy and help us feel good, or to discover and find what will?
This, alongside accepting and embracing the hard things along the way, is how we live a good life. Our best life possible.
It’s not either-or. It’s both.
The Key Takeaways on How to Feel Good More Often
- Hard Things Can Lead to Good Feelings: Recognise that activities which make you feel good long-term, like exercise, are often challenging in the moment. The real reward comes after you’ve put in the effort.
- Distinguish Between Immediate and Delayed Gratification: Understand the difference between what feels good ‘in the moment’ (like watching TV) versus what feels good ‘after the event’ (like completing a workout). Prioritising the latter leads to more sustained well-being.
- Busyness Is an Obstacle: A constantly busy schedule often pushes aside the very activities, people, and environments that energise you and contribute to your happiness.
- Design Your Life with Awareness: The first step to feeling better is being aware of what energises you and what drains you. From there, you can intentionally design a life that includes more of what makes you feel good.
- Reject the Myth of Constant Struggle: Society sometimes glorifies struggle, but a good life isn’t about avoiding joy. Embracing activities that give you energy is not lazy; it’s essential for building resilience.
- Embrace Both Challenge and Joy: Living your best life isn’t a choice between doing hard things and doing enjoyable things. It’s about integrating both. Feeling good gives you the energy you need to face life’s inevitable challenges.
FAQs for How to Feel Good More Often
Why do I sometimes feel guilty for doing things I enjoy?
It’s common to feel this way because of a societal belief that constant struggle is the only path to success. The article suggests that this is a myth. Intentionally doing things that give you energy is a vital part of building a fulfilling life, not a reason for guilt.
Does trying to ‘feel good’ mean I should just avoid difficult tasks?
Not at all. The key is to distinguish between short-term comfort and long-term well-being. A challenging workout might be difficult while you’re doing it, but it makes you feel great afterwards. The goal is to embrace challenges that lead to positive outcomes, not to seek the easy road exclusively.
How can I find time for enjoyable activities when my life is so busy?
Start by becoming aware of how you spend your time and what the true costs are. Busyness often causes us to neglect the very things that refuel us. It requires a conscious choice to prioritise activities that give you energy, even if you start small.
What if I don’t know what makes me feel good?
That’s a perfect opportunity for discovery. Give yourself the space and freedom to explore different activities, hobbies, or environments. Pay attention to what gives you a sense of energy and joy, and what leaves you feeling drained. It’s a process of self-awareness and experimentation.
