I’ve lied. You’ve lied. We’ve all lied at some point in our lives.
And many continue despite the upset, distress, and emotional pain it causes.
Yet we justify it to ourselves with self-talk such as:
- It’s only a white lie.
- I was only protecting the other person’s feelings.
- It’s not that big of a deal.
Or any other BS we come up with in our minds.
We’ve All Lied. But Why?
When in reality, a lie is a lie, no matter how big or small.
One of the challenges we face is failing to recognise that we don’t get to choose how our lies affect others. A lie, whether big or small, may have a completely different impact on one person than another. It may mean something completely different to person A compared to person B, based on their life experiences, circumstances, and core values. But we don’t think of that, because we are only thinking about ourselves.
With this in mind, I realised that when I’ve lied, especially the ones I can remember (and I remember them because they caused the most emotional distress), it’s been down to insecurity or not feeling comfortable telling the truth and facing the potential ramifications that truth may bring.
I’m strongly convinced that most of us aren’t too different. Our justifications are our way of feeling better about ourselves and easing the fact that we know lying is not good, no matter the lie.
But we trick ourselves into believing that lying is better, or the right thing to do, when, as I’ve learned the hard way, it never is. It’s always better to tell the truth, no matter how hard it feels.
Easier vs Better: Knowing the Difference
We easily confuse what is easier with what is right, and they aren’t the same. That applies to many things in life:
- It’s easier to skip the gym or not exercise, but it’s not better.
- It’s easier to eat fast food rather than prepare your own meals, but it’s not better.
- It’s easier to lie, but it’s not better.
I hope you get the gist. Many things are easier, but that doesn’t mean they are better.
The Role of Ego in Lying
It’s interesting to think that when we are the ones being lied to, we think it’s about us. When in reality, it’s about the liar. They have something going on within themselves that means they feel they have to lie. Sure, we may play a role, but I’ve found that often it’s not about us, it’s about them.
This is why I also think lying is part of the ego. The part of us that is insecure, scared, inferior, anxious, and doubtful. And while the ego can raise its head in many ways, lying is one of them.
Lessons We Learn From Lies
We also fail to recognise that we’ve all been on both sides: the liar, and the person who’s been lied to.
And neither side feels good. 🙁
So, what’s the solution? Is there even a solution?
Well, my take is that lying is probably one of those things that’s inevitable about being human. And even though it’s often unpleasant and unnecessary, we can use it to propel our personal growth.
This doesn’t mean that just because lying is an inevitable part of the human psyche, we have to accept it, from ourselves or from others. Far from it. Instead, I believe that whether we are the “liar” or the ones being lied to in a given situation, there is always something we can learn about ourselves, and use it to grow, demand better, and raise our standards.
As Psychology Today notes, awareness of the cost of lying can lead to more honest, healthier communication practices, and that shift starts with us.
Raising the Standard, Together
It’s about raising the standard, together. Because we’ve all seen what lies can do to each other. But by recognising this, and demanding better from ourselves and others, we can keep each other accountable and help one another grow.
The wiser I get, the more I realise that’s one of the great things about being human: community, togetherness, and connection.
So, remember this:
A lie is a lie, no matter how big or small. From this moment forward, always tell the truth, no matter how hard it seems. Do not lie. Keep each other accountable. That’s how we grow together.
Key Takeaways on Honesty and Lying
- Self-Justification for Lies: You might justify lying by calling it a “white lie” or claiming you’re protecting someone’s feelings, but these are often rooted in your own insecurity or fear of the consequences of the truth.
- Easier vs. Better: Lying is often the easier path, much like skipping a workout or eating fast food. However, the easier choice is rarely the better one for your long-term well-being and relationships.
- The Ego’s Role: Lying is frequently driven by the ego, stemming from feelings of insecurity, fear, and inferiority. When someone lies, it’s usually more about their internal struggles than about you.
- Lies as a Growth Opportunity: Whether you are the one lying or the one being lied to, the experience offers a chance for personal growth. It allows you to learn about yourself, demand better, and raise your personal standards.
- Collective Accountability: Fostering honesty is a shared responsibility. By holding yourself and others accountable, you contribute to a community of connection and mutual growth.
FAQs for The Truth About Lies: Why Honesty Is Always the Way
Why do people lie even when they know it causes pain?
People often lie because of their own insecurities. They may feel uncomfortable with the truth and fear the potential consequences. It’s a way to avoid a difficult situation, even though honesty is always the better long-term choice.
Is a small ‘white lie’ really that bad?
Yes, a lie is a lie, regardless of its size. You don’t get to decide how your lie will affect another person. What seems small to you could be very hurtful to someone else based on their own life experiences and values.
How is lying connected to the ego?
Lying often comes from the insecure parts of our ego. It’s a defence mechanism driven by fear, doubt, and feelings of inferiority. The act of lying is more a reflection of the liar’s internal state than it is about the person being lied to.
Can anything good come from being lied to?
While it feels terrible, being lied to can be a catalyst for personal growth. It provides an opportunity to reflect on your own standards, what you will accept from others, and how you can communicate more honestly in your own life.
How can I encourage more honesty in my relationships?
You can start by committing to telling the truth yourself, no matter how difficult it feels. By setting a higher standard for your own behaviour and communicating its importance, you encourage others to do the same, fostering a culture of mutual accountability and trust.
